As a leaked police undercover video shows, singer Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens want each other dead. Band members plotting to kill each other is pretty much uncharted territory in rock and roll… until now.
Since they are in the same band, that’s pretty awkward. But it’s not unusual for The No Talent Ass Clowns.
In video leaked from the Kings Nose Police Department, singer Lars Gunblade is trying to get an undercover policeman to kill Vas Defrens slowly and painfully. Police chief Mike Hunt said he leaked the video because he felt the world needed to see the band for what it was. “The Ass Clowns run this town,” says Hunt. “Their manager pays off my department regularly so they’re pretty much untouchable. I think they deserve a downfall. And I’m not saying that just because Lars refused to give my daughter his autograph. But come on… band members plotting to kill each other? Who does that?”
Lars Gunblade has been in seclusion aboard the band’s tour blimp since news of the undercover video broke but we were able to reach him this morning for an exclusive interview. “We’re basically pretty dysfunctional as human beings,” says Gunblade. “I’m messed up. I admit that. But wanting Vas [Defrens] dead is far from a crazy idea. It’s sound logic really.”
Vas Defrens was also caught on tape trying to get Lars murdered. “Yeah, I want him dead,” says Defrens. “I talked to Lars about it and he totally gets it. The whole time I was talking to him, I kept thinking that I should bust a cap in his ass but I chickened out. Maybe I’ll waste him during a concert. How awesome would that be?”
Ass Clowns fans don’t seem too worked up about the videos. “Those guys killing each other would be funny as hell,” says T-Bone, an Ass Clowns fan currently serving a life sentence for killing Lew Flapp, a fellow Ass Clowns fan who commented at this website. “They’ve done as much as they can as a band. This would be the next logical step.”