This rock band won’t pay taxes. And they’re already becoming a legend because of it…

It’s one thing to say you’re a rebel rock band and it’s another thing to actually be one. The No Talent Ass Clowns are one rock band that won’t pay taxes and they’re ready to back up their actions. In total secrecy, they built a stone fortress outside of their native Kings Nose in New Jersey where they installed extensive military defense works to ward off Federal agents coming to arrest them.

Singer Lars Gunblade supervised the construction of the fort and he recently gave an interview from the band’s ultra secret location located 12.4 miles northwest of Kings Nose off Route 40 (basically, just take the next left after you pass Consumption Auditorium). “Yeah, this place is state-of-the-art,” said Gunblade. “It’s all stone, bitch. It can withstand an artillery barrage with no problem. The moat means that infantry won’t be able to penetrate our outer perimeter and that’s key in a military situation. And that’s what this is, man. But it’s all good. We have the groupies here with us so we’re fine.”

Guitarist Vas Defrens defended the band’s actions in a phone interview earlier this morning. “Why pay taxes, man,” said Defrens. “What do taxes do for us? I mean, yeah, that’s why roads get built and repaired… and bridges… and highways. Yeah, sure, it goes toward making sure food is safe to eat and the air is breathable and shit but what else? OK, defense. But that’s about it.”

Band Won’t Pay Taxes: Feds and Fans Differ About Band’s Actions

Special Agent Timothy J. Thomas had harsh words for the band in a statement issued yesterday. “So this rock band won’t pay taxes. Well, aren’t they so cool? Listen, this is no joke. We’re going to jump on you. And it’s gonna hurt.”

Meanwhile, fans are impressed by the band’s actions. “This is really amazing,” said Joeby Wallace of Perth Amboy, NJ. “Who isn’t going to love a rock band that won’t pay taxes, I ask you? I mean, yeah, it’s totally irresponsible. That’s a given. But I admire their boldness. Sure, the Feds are going to track them down and put them in jail but it’s the struggle that fascinates me. And of course, if I get to see a pink mist where Lars Gunblade’s head once was, that’s just a bonus.”


  1. Bay of Pigs Thing says:

    I’m a former government agent and these guys deserve to get blown up by accident by overzealous FBI agents. Just saying.

  2. Mary T. says:

    After seeing this video, I can honestly say that I hate this band.

  3. Vinnie from New Jersey says:

    I want to know where I can get this El-Grande stuff they mention in that commercial. I didn’t see it on Amazon.

  4. Nick Vital says:

    Who is this band and why would anyone listen to them?

  5. Travis says:

    I don’t know where Kings Nose is but I want to go out there and help them defend the place. Sounds good. Rock on, Ass Clowns.

  6. Jake H. says:

    I’ll gladly come out there with my favorite Browning 50 Cal. and we’re keep out the Feds together. We’ll really bond, but not in a gay way or anything.