The No Talent Ass Clowns Blimp flies over Kings Nose, NJ
Other bands have tour buses but now legendary rock band, The No Talent Ass Clowns, have recently launched the world’s first tour blimp. With it, they plan to finish out their “Say Hello To My Posterior” tour dates for this year.
“Yeah, Led Zeppelin had their stupid jet plane,” said Ass Clowns front man, Lars Gunblade. “Well, this is way cooler than that. What did Zepp have on board? An organ? Big deal! We got hot tubs, stripper poles and an on-board delivery room for pregnant groupies. Hammer of the Gods, my ass. We rule now, baby!”
In a radical move, the band insisted that the blimp use highly flammable hydrogen rather than helium to lift their lighter-than-air dirigible. “Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? One spark and we go up like the Hindenburg!” said drummer Joey Van Dundro. “That’s why it’s so rock ‘n roll, know what I mean?”
Other rock performers are not impressed. When reached for comment, Foo Fighters front man, Dave Grohl said, “Seriously, who cares?” Grohl, who has traded insults with Gunblade for years, added that The No Talent Ass Clowns are a has-been band led by a has-been singer. “But I don’t want to sound negative,” he concluded.
Bambi, it sounds like you are headed straight to hell. Can I come along with you?
I’m on board right now. Wow! It’s awesome. With the Ass Clowns, you get over feeling degraded by around the 20th time somebody had done you in the hot tub. Being objectified I don’t mind. I just get tired of having to listen to their CDs the entire time. Listening to Lars Gunblade sing along to his own voice while he bangs me is a little off-putting. Opps, gotta go. They’re ready again!
Whoa, just got off the blimp at New Jersey. Damn! The last month has just been a haze of non-stop sex with No Talent Ass Clowns band members and their road crew and I think somebody else’s road crew but I’m not sure. I know I’m supposed to say that this isn’t a life someone should be leading but I can’t recommend it enough. Gotta go, the band said if I scored some high grade weed they’d let me go with them when they cut out in two hours.
Back in the air with the band. F**k, who would have thought you can go weeks at a time on a diet of just cocaine and continuous sex? You can! Pretty amazing. Oh, gotta go. The band wants to make a sandwich out of me and some new chick who just got on board named Traci (pretty sure she commented on the groupie’s corner page). This chick came on board naked with no clothes at all. Pretty sluttish, seems to me.
What idiot would use hydrogen in an airship? These guys are stupid!