Pushing rope. For some guys, it’s a reality. For The No Talent Ass Clowns, it’s a song.

Pushing Rope, The No Talent Ass Clowns

The No Talent Ass Clowns performing “Pushing Rope” at Consumption Auditorium

“Pushing Rope,” the new song from The No Talent Ass Clowns dropped last week to thundering praise. Hear what everyone is raving about:

Like many Ass Clown songs, Pushing Rope contains a chorus and not much more than that. “We don’t believe in writing stanza after stanza,” says singer Lars Gunblade. “It’s a pain in the ass. I’ve got much better things to do like bang groupies anyway. And let’s be honest here… people just want to hear the chorus anyway. We decided to skip a step and just came up with the chorus. Some would call that lazy. I call it good business sense.”

When asked why the ass clowns decided to write about pushing rope, Gunblade was candid. “Hey, look, when you’re hooking up five or ten times a day, this is bound to happen. You know what I’m talking about. You just gotta soldier on and get the job done, even though it’s sometimes a miracle if that happens.”

I Find “Pushing Rope” Funny, Say Vas Defrens

Guitarist Vas Defrens is bemused by the song. “I’ve never in my entire life had to resort to pushing rope,” says Defrens. “For me, it’s meaty and massive and there are no complaints from the ladies. For Lars, however, pushing rope is a daily reality. I’ve seen it happen countless times backstage when we’re trading groupies back and forth. Sometimes, I’ll just grab a warm beer and watch him desperately try to finish what he’s started. When he doesn’t, which is often, I ridicule him, push him out of the way and take over… you know, in keeping with the situation. It’s only fair to those chicks he was disappointing. I mean, that’s my take.”

The song features several guitar solos by Gunblade, which has caused Defrens some aggravation. “Lars told me that he was taking all of the solos from now on because I’ve been making fun of him pushing rope. I guess I had that coming.”


  1. patriot1729 says:

    I don’t know what this website is. I assume it’s a joke but that song is actually pretty well done. Kind of like if you threw Zappa and Spinal Tap in a blender.

  2. JDC says:

    After hearing this track, I can say that rock and roll is still alive and well.

  3. Kanu from LA says:

    I friggin’ love that song. More lyrics would be cool but I suppose you can’t have everything.

  4. Myran Ovum says:

    I’d like to see this band live but I can’t seem to find any verification of their concert venues outside of this website. Also, Amazon doesn’t seem to carry their CDs, which seems strange to me. I think “Pushing Rope” is an awesome song and I’m a big fan now. I just wish I could figure out how to see them perform… or buy their CDs.

  5. Master Wanker 72 says:

    I googled “ass worship” and got this page. WTF? This song sucks. This website sucks.

  6. The REAL Hammer says:

    I’ve been pushing rope for years. I’d like to thank the Ass Clowns for singing about this sensitive subject. It’s a shame the song couldn’t have been better or at least adequate but you can’t have everything. Sadly, I can’t satisfy my wife or my girlfriend. However, listening to this song takes the pain away a little. Booze helps a lot more actually.

    • Timothy Thomas says:

      Don’t worry about your wife or your girlfriend. I’ve been pleasing both of them in bed for years, often at the same time. I don’t push rope. I ram steel. I’ll post a video sometime of the three of us going at it for your viewing pleasure. Sucks to be you, buddy.

      • Dan Dingleberry says:

        Hey, Tim, I just saw the video you uploaded. Wow, I never realized a guy could have a 57-inch penis but there you go. You certainly took care of REAL Hammer’s wife and girlfriend. I don’t think they knew what hit them (repeatedly). I was impressed that you had on No Talent Ass Clowns music in the background as you banged them. Very classy touch.

        • Timothy Thomas says:

          My penis is only 47 inches long but thanks for the compliment. Ass Clowns RULE!

  7. Archie Philpotts says:

    Who is this horrible band? I mean, seriously. They suck. Perhaps one of the worst bands I’ve ever heard.

    • Trish the Dish says:

      F**k you. I think The No Talent Ass Clowns are the greatest band on earth.

  8. Malcolm Jacob Worthington III says:

    I’ve never seen two more stupid looking people in my entire life. I liked the guitar solos though. That’s about all.

  9. Not Lew Flapp says:

    Ironically, playing this while banging my girlfriend’s sister kept me from pushing rope.

  10. Meat Pants says:

    I didn’t realize what a song could be until I heard this. Absolutely incredible. Changed my life.

    • Vinnie from Staten Island says:

      You’re a total a-hole then. This song is 100% shit. I listened to it like 75 times the night that I killed that guy in Queens and I still think it’s shit.