As a leaked police undercover video shows, singer Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens want each other dead. Band members plotting to kill each other is pretty much uncharted territory in rock and roll… until now.

Since they are in the same band, that’s pretty awkward. But it’s not unusual for The No Talent Ass Clowns.

In video leaked from the Kings Nose Police Department, singer Lars Gunblade is trying to get an undercover policeman to kill Vas Defrens slowly and painfully. Police chief Mike Hunt said he leaked the video because he felt the world needed to see the band for what it was. “The Ass Clowns run this town,” says Hunt. “Their manager pays off my department regularly so they’re pretty much untouchable. I think they deserve a downfall. And I’m not saying that just because Lars refused to give my daughter his autograph. But come on… band members plotting to kill each other? Who does that?”

Lars Gunblade has been in seclusion aboard the band’s tour blimp since news of the undercover video broke but we were able to reach him this morning for an exclusive interview. “We’re basically pretty dysfunctional as human beings,” says Gunblade. “I’m messed up. I admit that. But wanting Vas [Defrens] dead is far from a crazy idea. It’s sound logic really.”

Vas Defrens was also caught on tape trying to get Lars murdered. “Yeah, I want him dead,” says Defrens. “I talked to Lars about it and he totally gets it. The whole time I was talking to him, I kept thinking that I should bust a cap in his ass but I chickened out. Maybe I’ll waste him during a concert. How awesome would that be?”

Ass Clowns fans don’t seem too worked up about the videos. “Those guys killing each other would be funny as hell,” says T-Bone, an Ass Clowns fan currently serving a life sentence for killing Lew Flapp, a fellow Ass Clowns fan who commented at this website. “They’ve done as much as they can as a band. This would be the next logical step.”


band members plotting to kill each other

  1. Nick says:

    Why didn’t Lars just call me. I would have killed Vas slowly and painfully for nothing. I’m serious.

  2. Jerry N. says:

    Believe me, there are a lot of reasons why death don’t sound so bad. Like today, for instance.

  3. The Three-Headed Monster says:

    Why didn’t the cops just let Lars and Vas kill each other. Yes, do us all a favor!

  4. Pinhead 452 says:

    I would pay good money to watch Lars and Vas fight it out to the death in some kind of cage match. Vas would win obviously but it would be interesting to watch.

  5. E. Howard Hunt says:

    Clearly, Gunblade and Defrens are not the Lennon and McCartney of their time.

  6. T-Bone says:

    I hear Lars and Vas are routinely carrying, even during rehearsals… just in case the other flashes his piece.

  7. Jeremy Zizzer says:

    It must be so cool to be in a band so that you can do stuff like this!

  8. Twinkle Joes says:

    I wish they had made good on their plans and killed each other. We’d all be better off.

  9. Not Lew Flapp says:

    Best police undercover video I have never seen.