Tour Dates

By Lars

The No Talent Ass Clowns on Stage

2014 TOUR DATES:

January 6: Gooseberry Mound Park, Fargo, North Dakota

January 12: Nudist Days, Central Park, New Delhi, India

January 16: “Jill Off” Competition, Fleshworks Tattoo and Body Piercing Studio, Victoria, Canada

January 17: Balsams Grand Stadium, Dixville Notch, NH

January 30: Consumption Auditorium, Kings Nose, NJ (SOLD OUT)

February 1: Long Branch Sewer Authority, Long Branch, NJ

February 5: Altar Wine Tasting Festival, St. Procopius Abbey, Lisle, IL

February 23: Crazy Days Stripper Finals, Maetzold Field, Hopkins, MN

May 2: Nudist Days Festival, Pitt Meadows Athletic Park, Haney, Canada

May 6: Estadio Centenario, Montevideo, Uruguay

May 17: Wet T-Shirt Days, Veterans Park, Milwaukee, WI

May 21: Atomic Wasted Strip Club, Westgate Shopping Center, Richland, Washington

May 31: Consumption Auditorium, Kings’ Nose, NJ (SOLD OUT)

June 8: Village Pizzeria and Strip Club, Shokan NY

July 23: Uncle Ron’s Strip Club and Swinger’s Lounge, Clearwater, FL

August 10: Marks & Spencer Strip Club (CD Signing), Barnsley, UK

August13: Consumption Auditorium (SOLD OUT)

August 14: Historic Dildo Days, Dildo, Newfoundland, Canada

September 10: nib Stadium, Perth, Australia

September 17: Mableton Cafe and Strip Lounge, Mableton, GA

September 23: Nudist Days, Eagle Farm Racecourse, Brisbane, Australia

September 29: Stripper Dayz, Mr. D’z Route 66 Dinner, Kingman, AZ

September 30: Miss Nude Canada Finals and Beer Feast, Halifax Citadel National Historic Site, Halifax, Canada

October 1: Pot Party USA, Hill Street Park, Grand Prairie, TX

October 2: Bondi Park (Nude Beach), Sydney, Australia (NO CLOTHES ALLOWED FOR CONCERTGOERS)

October 13: Bell Park Stripper Finals, Marietta, GA

November 6: Torgo’s, Culver City, CA

November 12: Consumption Auditorium, Kings Nose, NJ (SOLD OUT)

November 13:  National Rose Garden Wet T-Shirt Competition, Canberra, Australia

November 14: Danish Erotica Show Bar, Aabyhoej, Denmark

November 15: Mud Flaps (Private Club), Jefferson, Georgia

November 16: The Kill Floor, Buffalo, NY

December 17: The Great Aussie Stripper Finals, King George Square, Brisbane, Australia

December 18: Annual Bong Festival, Carson Park, Eau Claire, Wisconsin

December 19: Wet T-Shirt Semi-Finals, St. Stephens Green, Dublin, Ireland

December 20: Hans’ House of Pot, Eindhoven, The Netherlands

December 21: Uncle Leroy’s Lounge and Cocktail Bar, Casablanca, Morocco

December 22: Santa’s Nude Strip Review, Federal Hill, Baltimore, Maryland

December 24: Grande De Los Pechos, Cancun, Mexico

Acme Urinal Cakes

  1. Carnage S. says:

    I recently saw these guys in concert. They were terrible. Sucked ass big time.

  2. Sinister Urge 17 says:

    Say these guys recently. Worst. Show. Ever.

  3. Angela says:

    Raising Capital?
    Find out if your company is… [Nice try, moron! This web site IS monitored. This kind of crap won’t stay up. You’ve been warned — site moderator]

  4. Tim from Sydney says:

    I didn’t know that Bondi Park in Sydney, Australia had turned into a nude beach (haven’t been there in awhile). Guess I’ll be there sans clothes for this amazing concert!

  5. Bruce says:

    I have a question about a tour date: November 13: National Rose Garden Wet T-Shirt Competition, Canberra, Australia.

    I live in Canberra and there has never been a wet t-shirt contest in that garden. Look, mate, I would have noticed!!!!

    Guess I’ll have to go and see this.

  6. Anders says:

    Guys! cant wait for the shows in Sydney and Canberra. My life will be complete and
    F*%K thoes who say NTAC sucks. I will be hanging around the back after the show and maybe I will get lucky with a few groupies and start ‘nailing…they dont call me the hammer for nothin…

    • Tawny says:

      Dear “The Hammer,”

      We hooked up after a Ass Clowns show in Perth last year. I strongly recommend you see a doctor. I wasn’t clean down there (and by “down there” I don’t mean Australia).

      • Candi says:

        Tawny, yeah, I was a “Hammer” conquest as well. You sound bitter. Hammer was the best. I did found it a little odd though that he thought I should be paying him. Still, it was worth the 50 he wanted. Hammer, I’ll see you at the Aussie concerts. Rock on!

  7. Washington Fan Boy says:

    Just saw their awesome show in Richland, Washington. They kicked ass. Lars taunted the audience several times calling everybody in Richland “nuclear industry whores” which got everybody pumped up for their brand of high voltage rock. Awesome, awesome!

  8. Buford Picklefeather says:

    Caught their gig at Fallopia University back in July. Sucked. The set list. Sucked. Lighting. Sucked. Can’t wait to see them tomorrow at Torgo’s right here in Culver City. Yeah!

  9. Vini Lopez says:

    You know how Lars Gunblade always carries a taser on stage during concerts? Well, I was near the front of the stage when he tased me at a show a couple of months ago. How cool is that? I’ve been having problems with my short-term memory since then but it was worth it! Can’t wait til he tases me again!

  10. Dr. Winston O'Boogie says:

    I thought Historic Dildo Days in Dildo, Newfoundland was made up but it’s not. Google it. Laughed my ass off. What a great revue for the Ass Clowns to play! Wish I could go.

    • John Thomas says:

      I live in South Dildo, which is several miles south of Dildo, Newfoundland and I can assure you it’s a real place. I didn’t see the No Talent Ass Clowns listed on the posters for Historic Dildo Days around town but I assume that’s an oversight. I look forward to seeing them.

  11. Larry Booth says:

    I remember seeing the No Talent Ass Clowns years ago when the New Catholics opened for them in Baltimore. Terrible show.

    Doesn’t say much when the opening band is better than you are!!

  12. Candy says:

    Me, Stacy, Debi, Erica and Sandy will be the front row at Consumption Auditorium. If the band reads this, we’re clean now so don’t worry. It won’t be like last time.

  13. Jorge Sanchez says:

    ¡Los Payasos del Asno Mecen!

  14. Spaz Boy, Scranton PA says:

    No Talent Ass Clowns, please come to my town!

  15. Carlos Danger says:

    Just gave some troll called “Stan” a thorough ass-kicking on the Bios page. Bet that ass wipe doesn’t come back. BTW, I have an enormous schlong.

  16. George Vincent says:

    I saw them back in ’04. I caught one of Joey’s drumsticks and got it signed after the show. It had a strange dark residue coating it…still not sure what it is, smells like sh%&.

  17. Vinnie the V says:

    Need tickets to the show at Consumption Auditorium? I got two. I tried to sell them for 200 bucks and there were no takers. In fact, people told me to go F myself. Same thing at 100, 50, 25 and 10 dollars. If anybody wants them, they’re yours for free. Has to be the first time I’ve never been able to unload concert tickets for a rock band.

    • Anon says:

      Vinnie,

      I’ll take them. Should give me a chance to re-access this crappo band. Maybe watching that doughy Lars Gunblade stage dive and break his nose when no one catches him will put me in a better mood.

  18. Angry Parent says:

    Carnage,

    If you are reading this, you stole my daughter’s virginity you F*%#. Whatever you did to her, I’m gonna do to you!

  19. Anon says:

    Suck it, Dan. The Ass Clowns are lame. Have you even listened to their newest CD, “Say Hello To My Posterior”? Have you? They made their reputation on great songs like, “Blow Chunks Ballet” from their debut “Behind the Times” and “Ass of Mass Destruction” from the “Pucker Factor” CD… but now?… they’re going nowhere.

    • Anders says:

      Hey man what are you sucking something through a straw?? everyone knows Ass Clowns put life back into elevator muzak. The only person going nowhere are ‘tards who say Ass Clowns suck..quit singin’ it and start bringin’ it ’cause your ass is next!

      • Goose says:

        Anders,

        Well put! Dickwads like Anon don’t know what it means to rock. As Jack Black said in “School of Rock” …. rockin’ ain’t no walk in the park, lady.

        • Dave from Queensland says:

          Anders, you’re nuts, dude. Yeah, I’m bringin’ it. In fact, I brought it… and it was heavy… and I got a hernia. Happy now?

      • Jonathan X. Jerome says:

        I say Ass Clowns suck and I am no ‘tard, thank you very much… except for that time when my buddies painted dicks and balls on my face when I passed out in the dorm. Yeah, I was a ‘tard then but that’s it.

        Wait, there was that one time when I paid that hooker in Wellington and couldn’t get it up. That was kind of ‘tard-ish. But those are the only two examples of being a ‘tard for me. So I say to you… bring it.

  20. Dan Baxter says:

    F**k you, Anon. I’d pay $1,000 for a really good bootleg from their “Behind the Times” tour. F**k you and the horse you came in on. If you don’t like the Ass Clowns then go listen to Miley Cyrus who incidentally I wouldn’t mind nailing.

  21. Donny M. says:

    I saw one of the first Ass Clowns shows ever at the Park ‘n Purge over on Route 70 (it’s the one near the solid waste processing plant). They did some weird covers like a speed metal version of “Amazing Grace” and a punk rendition of “You Light Up My Life.” I liked it but I was pretty wasted at the time.

  22. Tom from Staten Island says:

    I travel long distances to shoot people wearing funny clothes and the No Talent Ass Clowns is always playing in my system on the way.

  23. Anon says:

    LOL. Dude, you paid 200 bucks for an Ass Clowns bootleg? WTF? They should be paying you to listen to it. This band is the worst ever. All the faggots posting here are faggots. Sorry, I guess that’s a bit redundant but you know what I mean!

  24. Dan Baxter says:

    Anybody know where I can get Ass Clowns bootlegs for cheap? I just paid $200 for a boot of their “Concert to Benefit The Taliban” in ’99. Seems kind of high to me. Vas’ guitar solo in that concert is awesome, BTW.

  25. T-Bone says:

    All of the bad things I have ever done in my life occurred after listening to the No Talent Ass Clowns. These guys gave me the inspiration I needed to do all that stuff. Without the Ass Clowns, I might have wound up behind a desk as a middle manager or some shit like that. Guys, I owe you!

  26. Paula says:

    Ass Clowns rule! Anybody who says otherwise is mental. I saw Lars Gunblade at a record signing in London and he spit on me. I didn’t wash my face for a year!

  27. Trish G. says:

    Just got Lars Gunblade’s CD “You Make Me Sick.” Way better than anything the Ass Clowns ever put out. If he’s smart he’ll go solo for good. Vas Defrens is a great guitarist but he and Lars don’t get along, according to something I read in Spin.

    • Mongo says:

      Trish,

      That’s interesting. “You Make Me Sick” isn’t even out yet. Care to share your bootleg with the rest of us?

  28. Joe Bunky says:

    Can’t wait. The last time I saw them at Consumption Auditorium, they kicked ass.

    • Todd says:

      I saw them in ’02 in Boston. They sucked but I got laid so it worked out OK. Seems the chick I was with really dug their 20-minute rendition of “Blow Chunks Ballet.”

    • John L. Sullivan says:

      Joe,

      Yeah, substitute “licked” for “kicked” and you got it about right. I’d rather cut off my balls with a rusty butter knife than go to an Ass Clowns concert.