In a shocking interview, it appears legendary band The No Talent Ass Clowns confront a shocking rumor: which is that the band had sex with their own manager, Jerry Gold, to get him to manage them. Singer Lars Gunblade viciously denied the rumor while guitarist Vas Defrens seemed to sheepishly admit guilt.
Band Had Sex With Their Own Manager? “Bullshit!” says Gunblade
“This is total bullshit,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “Whoever is floating this rumor is about to wind up dead. I’m serious. We live for rock and roll, man. That means anonymous encounters with hot chicks that we use and toss away like Kleenex. Now someone is trying to make us look bad. Not fair!”
When asked about the controversy, Jerry Gold told reporters, “Look, I’m not going to trash my band. After all, these are my boys. And when I say ‘my boys,’ I don’t mean that to sound gay or anything. Because it’s not. Not even a little. I mean, yeah, Lars and Vas can look pretty good when they’re up there sweating on stage, and if they’re wearing those really tight trousers of theirs. That just makes me human, not gay.”
Another surprising revelation in this latest interview is that the band’s groupies are simply paid prostitutes. “It’s true,” said Jerry Gold. “I pay four girls to follow them around the country and met them backstage in different cities. They’re just too stoned to realize it’s the same four girls over and over again. So they think they’re banging hundreds and hundreds of groupies. Yeah, it’s borderline pathetic. But if that keeps them happy, what’s the problem?
Lars and Vas Are “Stupid,” says Manager
“They can deny it all they want,” says Gold. “But Lars Gunblade and Vas Defrens are all about sex, drugs and rock and roll. I’m not about to have them realize that no groupies are ever waiting for them backstage, especially now that they don’t allow anyone to actually attend their concerts. I mean, if no one can attend, how can any girls make it backstage? You see, Lars and Vas are just too stupid to figure that out, and that’s a perfect example of why they’re my boys. But please don’t misunderstand. I don’t want anyone to think that that sounds gay… because it’s not.”