Rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns recently purchased what many call the worst wine ever made…
“Chateau de Twat” produced by the Chateau de Twat winery in Western France, is known as the worst wine produced anywhere in the world. Yet, the No Talent Ass Clowns stand behind this French red wine.
Singer Lars Gunblade finds himself particularly enthused about the new venture. “We’ve been backing some really shitty products lately so this is a good change of pace. Every week, I drink cases of this shit. To be honest, it’s awesome. I frankly don’t see how anyone could say that this is the worst wine ever. I mean, how could you really know that?”
Band Rejects Idea That This is the Worst Wine Ever
Commercials for the worst wine ever have recently appeared on the internet.
Guitarist Vas Defrens likes the effects of binge-drinking “Chateau de Twat” after concerts. “It really kicks your ass,” said Defrens. “There’s a drawback, to be honest. If I drink too much ‘Chateau de Twat,’ I tend to shit myself after I pass out. I don’t necessarily mind that at all. Unfortunately, my pants can’t be laundered. For some reason, it eats right through any fabric it touches. That gets expensive.”
Chateau de Twat has had an infamous history of poisoning its drinkers. When Philippe Nouveau opened his winery in the late 1800s, many nearby villagers died from drinking it. As the years went by, Nouveau was nearly lynched dozens of times. Eventually, however, he corrected the formula for making his wine. Now, the number of deaths from drinking it has decreased considerably.
Since 1954, several wine aficionado magazines routinely label “Chateau de Twat” as the worst wine ever. According to wine expert Johnny Tyler, “Chateau de Twat is the shittiest shit ever poured into a bottle and sold to the public. Worst wine ever is almost an understatement.”
The No Talent Ass Clowns plan on devoting more and more time to their wine venture. “We have a lot of problems with the Feds and taxes and shit. If this takes off, we may go to France and hide out there. Let’s face it, French chicks are hot so why not?”
I just tried Chateau de Twat for the first time. Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? I had a few glasses while watching TV in my living room and blacked out. When I woke up, I was in a shady part of town lying in a dark alley. My pants were around my ankles and my ass hurt like hell. I’ll never touch this wine again!
I drank too much of this wine over this last weekend and I’ve lost all feeling in my legs. The feeling hasn’t come back and it’s been four days. I may have to go to the doctor.
This wine sounds disgusting but I’ll give it a go. I’ll try anything once. And I do mean anything.
OK, obviously you’re trolling for other dudes. Stop it. You know that I’m your only.
Don’t forget me!
All of you will reap what you sow.
I’d like to buy this wine for my wife for our 10th wedding anniversary but the liquor stores near me don’t have it. In fact, they insist that there’s no such wine and that I’m an asshole for believing it exists. I had to beat the shit out of the manager at Bunghole Liquors for trying to make a fool of me. He won’t be doing that again… or eating solid food.
Hey, Goodman, remember when you were out of town for your 9th wedding anniversary? I was banging your wife over and over again and she loved every minute of it. Didn’t realize she was so into spanking and humiliation. She’s quite the pervert, even by my standards. Just thought you should know. I’m not sure what this has to do with Chateau de Twat but I thought I should say it.
I was there too and I took photos. And I got in on the action as well, you better believe it. Wow, that Mrs. of yours is really into DP stuff.
I was there too. But I found it kind of strange that when Goodman’s wife left to take a shower, Tony Z. and Timothy Thomas started having passionate sex with each other. In fact, they ignored Goodman’s wife when she came back for some more sex. Fortunately, I was there and plugged her several times in another part of the house. We could hear Tony Z. and Timothy Thomas going at it in the bedroom and it made us want to vomit.
Shut the fuck up, Jimmy.
I know somebody who drank this wine and died. True story.
The first time I tried this wine, I never vomited so much in all my life. Since then, I vomit a lot less. You get used to the incredibly rancid aftertaste after awhile. And the resulting hair loss isn’t all that bad. In spite of these drawbacks, it’s still my favorite wine hands down.
I like the name. In fact, I like it a lot. I’d drink this wine but I can’t seem to find it near me.
I can’t find this wine either. Why?
Both of you are pretty stupid, aren’t you? The No Talent Ass Clowns are just making this whole thing up about buying that wine. They are sick fucks.
The wine is real. It’s the band that’s fake.
The band is real. I saw them in Rhode Island in 2007 and they were loud. Not good, but loud. I remember it well because somebody “assclowned” my car that night.
I killed a guy once after drinking this wine. I don’t know if there’s a connection or not.