Front man Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens of The No Talent Ass Clowns were in top form recently when they sat down for interviews for director and band manager Jerry Gold. The two appeared to be more or less sober, which is not typical for either musician.
“These interviews are great,” said Lars Gunblade as he relaxed with two groupies after the interviews wrapped up. “The fans can watch our interviews over and over and kind of live through us because we have such great lives and they don’t. We’ve always tried to rub our fans’ noses in it that we’re super rich and they’re not. I think that feeling of hatred and resentment really gives our concerts the amazing energy that they have. It’s that sense of loathing the fans have for us that keeps us going. Believe me, there’s a reason every member of the band packs heat on stage. If something does down, we’re going to be like Doc Holiday in Tombstone.”
“I don’t like being interviewed,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “It kind of takes away the mystique. And The No Talent Ass Clowns are all about subtlety and mystique. We’ve got a reputation as serious rockers. Doing this interview stuff really feels like selling out. And you know, selling out gives me a headache. When that happens, I reach for Alleve. It’s the long-lasting pain relief I need when I’m on tour.”
Among the more interesting revelations in the interviews was that Defrens isn’t a fan of the band’s tour blimp and Gunblade once ran over a man outside Consumption Auditorium in Kings Nose, NJ. “I don’t have to worry about the cops following up on that because our manager always buys them off. So that dead guy’s relatives can piss off because they can’t touch me.”
Strangely enough, neither musician mentioned their upcoming movie debut “The First to Die,” which has fans wondering. “It must be really terrible,” said Ass Clowns fan Dora Stanhope of Ithaca, NY. “They’re distancing themselves from the project. Still, I want to see it and so does everyone else in my cell block.”