Lars Gunblade's strip clubs

Singer Lars Gunblade shares a moment with dancer Cherry Bomb

Singer Lars Gunblade of The No Talent Ass Clowns has some problems. His infamous strip clubs, Take It Off, Bitch!, have been shut down by police after having only been open for two days. The FBI issued a report saying the franchise locations were being used as houses of prostitution and as a clearing house for No Talent Ass Clowns CDs, concert tickets and T-shirts.

The chain of Lars Gunblade’s strip clubs had a short but news-worthy life. They opened Friday night. On Saturday night, Ass Clowns guitarist Vas Defrens was arrested for having sex with a dancer on a table in the dining area, and finally on Sunday morning, police and FBI agents raided each of the 50 locations.

“The scene in there was way sicker than you could imagine,” said Special Agent Phillip Wilson. “I’ve been to the red-light district in Amsterdam and that place is like a church compared to Gunblade’s club. But the whole prostitution thing wasn’t even the real problem. Gunblade was forcing patrons to buy his band’s CDs and concert tickets or he’d release hidden videos to the internet of them having sex with the dancers. That’s pretty messed up.”

“This is a good thing, ” said Jim R. Turnball, a patron of the club. “The whole brothel thing was great. I was with several of the girls. But I didn’t want to pay for No Talent Ass Clowns CDs. I hate that band. Besides, I’ve got a family. What would they think of me if I bought that band’s music?”

The FBI released the singer after Manager Jerry Gold had a private meeting with the agents. “Yeah, it was expensive paying off those guys,” said Gunblade as he boarded the band’s tour blimp with dancer Cherry Bomb just a few hours ago. “It’s sad that you can’t run a business anymore without the federal government stickin’ its nose in and tellin’ you what to do! I mean, who’s to say what’s legal?”


  1. BennyH says:

    That’s what the public wants… new faces.

  2. Dwayne says:

    Well, what are these stripper/hookers going to do for a living now???

  3. Wendy W. says:

    More sexist crap from Lars Gunblade. I don’t suppose he’s terribly interested in Cherry Bomb’s mind, is he? Well, neither am I. She has an ass that won’t quit!

  4. UI778 says:


    Who am I kidding? It’s awesome. I could look at that body all day. And Cherry Bomb’s as well.

  5. The REAL Hammer says:

    Why is Lars pushing away Cherry Bomb with his left arm? That guy is an a-hole. There’s no way I’d be pushing her away… not with THAT hinder!

  6. Tammy W. says:

    I’ve never heard of this band, I’ve never heard of Lars Gunblade, I’ve never heard of this “Take It Off, Bitch!” Strip Club and I’ve never heard of Kings Nose, NJ. Am I missing something?

  7. RST2298 says:

    I am fascinated by your American decadence. Your country is vile with this band.

  8. John Cameron says:

    That Lars guy looks like a douche bag. Cherry Bomb could do a lot better. Me, for example. She didn’t give me the time of day when I was there opening night.

  9. Mrs. Barbara J. Evansworth says:

    It’s like Satan is speaking through this band. This strip club business is straight out of Lucifer’s butt hole. I can’t believe this is happening in my home state. On Saturday night, I took a number of live rats and released them into the crowd at the Take It Off, Bitch location here in Scranton. The heathens ran in every direction. Quite funny.

  10. Walter S. says:

    Wow, looks like a great place. Sorry I didn’t get to go. I would have bought their CDs. It’s no big deal.

    • Grant M. says:

      Buying their CDs would have been a small price to pay. I’m really sad these strip clubs have been shut down. Women enjoy being exploited. I think I’m right saying that, aren’t I?

      • Tony the Pony says:

        I enjoy being exploited so I don’t know why women would have a problem with it.

        • ThrobbingMemberMantra says:

          Me neither. I think you both nailed it… like I did on Saturday night.