Nouveau Merde of LA

Lars Gunblade and two models arrive at Nouveau Merde’s Annual Fashion Show

No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade attended the annual Nouveau Merde fashion show last night in Los Angeles with two dates in tow. Gunblade, who appeared to be greatly under the influence, annoyed many of the attendees by singing several Ass Clowns songs in an odd falsetto and yelling to the Nouveau Merde models on the catwalk to “take it off.”

The No Talent Ass Clowns Worship Site caught up with Gunblade while his dates were getting drinks. “Nouveau Merde outfits our band,” said Gunblade as he downed a Jack Daniels in each hand. “I don’t wear anything else but their clothes.  But that’s only if I’m wearing clothes at all.”

A few minutes later, Gunblade made an odd face as he spoke with us. “Whoa, excuse me!” he shouted just before he hurled a voluminous puke that splattered on the marble floor and sprayed several unfortunate people nearby. For most of the night, people keep their distance from the rock star, afraid he would hurl again.

“Well, we have to put up with some strange stuff when Lars comes to our store,” said Tawny Z, owner of Nouveau Merde. “For instance, we always make love when we meet. Sometimes, like at this show, that’s a little inconvenient. Still, Lars is Lars so when he arrived, we went to my office and did it there. What was I supposed to do? They’re the No Talent Ass Clowns. They’re our biggest client and we pretty much give them wardrobes no else would want.”

After the fashion show ended, Gunblade became incoherent and was escorted from the premises by the police. “This is standard procedure with this asshole,” said Officer Edmund Exeley. “Every time he shows up at Nouveau Merde, we have to haul him out. Then, his manager gives us 20 large to let him go. It works out pretty well really.”


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  1. Ainsley Jarvis says:

    I am singer as well but only play at the very small clubs in France. This Lars Gunblade is a, how do you say, douche bag. I may be just another drag queen in fishnet stockings but I have more dignity than Lars Gunblade ever could.

  2. Josiah Crabtree says:

    I recognize those chicks from somewhere but I can’t think where.

    Way to go, Lars. But you’re still a 100% total douche bag times 10.

  3. Andreas Emmerich says:

    I aspire to have Lars Gunblade’s lifestyle. I really do.

    • William Jefferson Clitoris says:

      You want all of the social diseases as well? You’re an icehole.

  4. Majorie Z. says:

    This is terribly stupid. This web site is beneath me. Yet I still read it which shows how stupid I am.

  5. Billton Long Shanks says:

    I don’t know who Lars Gunblade is but I must say that admire him greatly.

  6. Cassandra J. says:

    I’ve decided that I don’t like Lars Gunblade very much. He seems like sort of a pig. That being said, I’d still go out with him at a moment’s notice if he would only respond to all of my letters.