Lars Gunblade's Strip Club

Lars Gunblade with strippers Velvet Trench and EZ Stevie at the “Take It Off, Bitch!” Strip Club

Legendary singer Lars Gunblade of The No Talent Ass Clowns has opened a string of strip clubs. The chain, known as Take It Off, Bitch!, had grand openings in more than 50 cities today. Gunblade surprised the crowd at the Kings Nose, NJ location when he announced that he would have sex with every single stripper in the franchise.

“I figure I can nail all the girls at the Kings Nose location tonight, then I’ll move onto the other locations as the band tours,” said Gunblade. The infamous singer claims his decision to open the strip clubs was practical. “I spend pretty much every day in strip clubs and it costs a fortune. I figure if I own the club, I’m in better shape financially.”

One peculiar aspect of each Take It Off, Bitch! strip club is that the dancers begin their act totally nude and put their clothes on as they dance their routines. “I wanted something a little different,” said Gunblade. “Every strip club has chicks taking their clothes off. I wanted to reverse that. The customers actually hate this whole idea, but you know what? If they don’t like it, they can open their own strip club!”

The dancers at the Kings Nose location were appreciating the new club. “This place is truly wonderful,” said 23-year-old dancer Sharon B., AKA Taffy Pull. “I was the first girl to get it on with Lars during the ribbon cutting ceremony so I’ve got some street cred now. He’s actually really horrible in the sack but I need the job. My husband teaches college physics, but he’s trying to transition to his dream job as a mop man at a peep show. That takes money because everybody wants that job.”

“Lars beat me to this idea,” remarked guitarist Vas Defrens. “I guess we can tag-team the dancers. Shit knows we’ve done that before!”


  1. Vijay says:

    [Site moderator] Hey, asshole. Don’t write stupid shit here unless you want me to publish your fucking IP address for all to see.

  2. Handy Random says:

    Well, well. These young fellers are sure something the way they cluster around naked females like flies to honey. Me? I smash them flies. They’re vermin, you know. I like to use my own shot because it’s cheaper than that store-bought stuff.

    • Natty Bumpo says:

      What in hell are you talking about, old man? You make no sense. You’re a breed apart.

  3. Malcolm C. says:

    I just left the Take It Off, Bitch! location in Scranton, PA. I thought it was odd that the bouncers throw you out if you DON’T touch the dancers.

  4. Walter Winchell says:

    I find this very offensive and I’m disgusted… that I wasn’t able to get in. The place was packed.

  5. Sammy H. says:

    I was at the Kings Nose Take It Off, Bitch! club an hour ago. The place was hopping. I paid an awful lot of money just for a sleeve job from one of the girls. Otherwise, it’s a great place.

    • Axeman13 says:

      I’m there right now. A stripper named Tawny is yanking my crank as I type this. It’s basically $2,000 but worth it. Oh, man. Well worth it. Whoa, gotta go.

      • Rena says:

        I love reading these articles because they’re short but…

        [Site moderator: No, you don’t love reading these articles. You’re a piece of shit spammer. I’ve removed your stupid link. F*ck yourself]