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Lars Gunblade's Strip Club

Lars Gunblade with strippers Velvet Trench and EZ Stevie at the “Take It Off, Bitch!” Strip Club

Legendary singer Lars Gunblade of The No Talent Ass Clowns has opened a string of strip clubs. The chain, known as Take It Off, Bitch!, had grand openings in more than 50 cities today. Gunblade surprised the crowd at the Kings Nose, NJ location when he announced that he would have sex with every single stripper in the franchise.

“I figure I can nail all the girls at the Kings Nose location tonight, then I’ll move onto the other locations as the band tours,” said Gunblade. The infamous singer claims his decision to open the strip clubs was practical. “I spend pretty much every day in strip clubs and it costs a fortune. I figure if I own the club, I’m in better shape financially.”

One peculiar aspect of each Take It Off, Bitch! strip club is that the dancers begin their act totally nude and put their clothes on as they dance their routines. “I wanted something a little different,” said Gunblade. “Every strip club has chicks taking their clothes off. I wanted to reverse that. The customers actually hate this whole idea, but you know what? If they don’t like it, they can open their own strip club!”

The dancers at the Kings Nose location were appreciating the new club. “This place is truly wonderful,” said 23-year-old dancer Sharon B., AKA Taffy Pull. “I was the first girl to get it on with Lars during the ribbon cutting ceremony so I’ve got some street cred now. He’s actually really horrible in the sack but I need the job. My husband teaches college physics, but he’s trying to transition to his dream job as a mop man at a peep show. That takes money because everybody wants that job.”

“Lars beat me to this idea,” remarked guitarist Vas Defrens. “I guess we can tag-team the dancers. Shit knows we’ve done that before!”