Vas Defrens

Ass Clowns guitarist Vas Defrens

“We’re a fake band and always have been!” declared guitarist Vas Defrens of The No Talent Ass Clowns during a press conference last week.

“Fake, fake, fake. Who names a band that anyway? It’s a dead giveaway that the whole thing’s a sham. We’re not touring. We’re not releasing albums. You’ve all been had.”

Other band members were shocked. “I don’t know what Vas is thinking,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “This is dangerous, crazy talk. I wish he’d just shut up.”

“Well, it would explain a lot of things,” said a fan who wished not to be named. “It would explain why I can’t find their albums on Amazon or why I can’t locate their hometown of Kings Nose, NJ on a map. I guess Vas’ admission will finally allow me to sleep at night… although I don’t know what I’m going to do with these tickets I just bought for their Consumption Auditorium show.”


  1. Archie Philpotts says:

    You can get No Talent Ass Clowns CDs on Amazon but you have to have the secret code. Every true fan knows that.

  2. Suzy Q says:

    I love Vas Defrens. I really do.

    • Walt Jr. says:

      Yeah, Suzy, we know just how much you love Vas Defrens. I have the photos and videos to prove it.

  3. T-Bone says:

    Vas is quite the joker. I’m sure some people will believe his nonsense.

  4. Spifftown says:

    This is dumb. And I like it.

  5. Not Lew Flapp says:

    Vas is enjoying one of his cruel jokes at our expense. I, for one, don’t find it funny.

  6. Ben Linus says:

    I think the Ass Clowns are a state of mind. Not a good state of mind but a state of mind nevertheless.