Lars Gunblade in concert

Lars Gunblade: "We want more violent fans"

Lars Gunblade of legendary heavy metal band The No Talent Ass Clowns says concerts have become too tame these days.

“Hell, yeah. As a band, we want fights breaking out in every row of the arena,” said Gunblade during an interview in Prague. “In fact, if there aren’t pools of blood everywhere after one of our shows, we clearly aren’t doing our job. We feed off the hate of the crowd. It’s electric! That’s why I usually taze people in the front row. Yeah, they get pissed. Sure, a few unfortunate dudes have died. But it gets the crowd going. That’s everything in rock and roll!”

Gunblade had choice words for Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters who recently halted a concert to stop a violent concertgoer. “That’s typical Dave Grohl behavior… tryin’ to do the right thing and all that. He just doesn’t get it. Rock ain’t about doin’ the right thing. It’s about making bad choices and avoiding responsibility for your actions. Our fans are the biggest pigs in the world. We wouldn’t have them any other way.”

Gunblade and Grohl had a well-publicized falling out in the 90s after a failed collaboration. The ice is apparently not thawing. “Dave Grohl pretends like he doesn’t even know who I am? Can you believe it?”

Fans seem split on the issue. “Their shows are kinda dangerous,” said a teen-aged girl at an Ass Clowns concert who didn’t wish to be identified (although we’re pretty sure her friends called her “Tracy” and she’ s from Fallopia University). “I’m not sure making them more violent is a good idea. There could be some negative consequences to violence.”

“I think it’s great,” said Dan from Boston. “There’s a few people I wanna whale on. At least at a concert, I have a big choice of victims and plenty of escape routes.”

  1. Buford Picklefeather says:

    I, for one, applaud Lars Gunblade’s stance on concert violence. He’s right. There simply isn’t enough bloodshed in the cheap seats these days. Who wants to go to a concert and just listen to music? Not me. If I can’t take a swing at some guy who annoys me because he’s too tall, too short or too fat, my life isn’t complete.

  2. wanker69 says:

    I always thought that the Foo Fighters were lame compared to The No Talent Ass Clowns. Dave Grohl is no Lars Gunblade. You gotta admit that.

  3. Dave Grohl groupies says:

    I’m a major Foo Fighters fan. The No Talent Ass Clowns suck donkey wangs by comparison. Seriously, Dave Grohl and Lars Gunblade shouldn’t be mentioned in the same sentence. Shit, I just did that. Never mind.

  4. Jerry T says:

    No doubt written very tongue-in-cheek! People act like assholes at way too many shows these days. Not as bad as at an “Ass Clowns” show maybe but not all that far off!

  5. A. Hitler says:

    I am in favor of concert violence.

  6. T-Bone says:

    Their shows are great. I remember opening up some guy’s skull at an Ass Clowns concert. The blood sprayed in a pretty fountain. The people around me applauded. Yeah, I wound up doing five years in prison for it but so what?

  7. young punk says:

    This is disgusting. There’s actually a band out there encouraging concert violence? I’ve never heard of such a thing.

  8. punching bag pete 72 says:

    I had my ass kicked at an Ass Clowns concert once. I’ve gone back a dozen times since and nothing. Nobody punched me or nothing. Sucks.