A new movie trailer for “The First To Die,” a new action film starring rock stars Lars Gunblade and Vas Defrens got attention from Hollywood producers this week…

“The First to Die,” originally held back several times in order to delete 20 minutes of unsimlated sex scenes, is set for release on Arbor Day, 2017. After seeing the new movie trailer for “The First To Die,” several studio executives say that Lar Gunblade and Vas Defrens are natural-born D-List movie stars.

Late last night aboard the band’s tour blimp, the band expressed concerns about the release for  the movie. “The release date sucks,” says singer Lars Gunblade. “I don’t know when Arbor Day is. Seriously, what the f*ck is Arbor Day anyway? Did somebody make that up or something? It sounds fake, and I hate made up bullshit like that.”

“This must be the greatest movie ever made,” says guitarist Vas Defrens. “Lars and I are unbelievable in this thing. We burn up the screen in ‘The First To Die.’ Seriously, we’re that good. How do people get paid to act anyway? When I watched this new movie trailer, I totally got a major woody, and that was just from watching myself onscreen.”

New Movie Trailer: The Start Of A Big Screen Career For Ass Clowns?

new movie trailer“‘The First To Die’ really adds to our legendary status,” says Gunblade. “We conquered the music scene and now we’ve conquered Hollywood with this awesome movie.”

During a press conference, Gunblade discussed the problems of being in a band. “That’s a lot of work if you think about it. You gotta run from city to city, you play for a long time and get really tired. Acting, on the other hand, is easy. You say a few lines, then go back to your trailer for a few hours and get it on with some sexy production assistant named Tiffany. I can totally deal with that setup for years or even decades.”


  1. Daniel D. Thomkins says:

    Movie looks interesting although I’ve never heard of these two assholes.

  2. Muff Diver 52 says:

    Movie looks retarded. I’ll definitely check it out when it’s released.

  3. Zim Fraud says:

    I think this movie is going to need those graphic sex scenes put back in. Otherwise, it looks like it sucks ass.

  4. Chuck W. says:

    My girlfriend and I were getting ready to have sex when this movie trailer came on and caused me to completely lose my erection. Fortunately, a neighbor of ours was able to get a pretty big erection going and he finished the job for me while I watched and shot video of the whole thing. My girlfriend says this guy is ten times the lover I am and that I should just start wearing panties and a bra from now on because I’m no man at all.

    I guess I have a beef with the Ass Clowns now.

  5. Brenda Lee says:

    Who are Lars Gunblade and Vas Defrens? They look like assholes.

  6. Hardwick Lambert says:

    Man, this band has really sold out. I want to hear their music, not see them in some stupid movie. I’m really disappointed in the Ass Clowns. I was so mad earlier that I beat up a vacuum cleaner salesman who came to the door. I didn’t realize that he had a piece so we ultimately wound up exchanging some gunfire. I think I winged him before he got away. The house got shot up really bad. When my girlfriend gets home from the strip club where she dances, she’s going to be pissed.

  7. Tol Zornon says:

    I’d see this movie if someone paid me to. Otherwise, no fucking way.

  8. TremblinHandofFate says:

    This movie looks terrible. I’ll never watch such a piece of shit. Although to its credit, there are explosions.

  9. Father McKenzie says:

    I didn’t see any naked ladies in this trailer so I’m not interested in seeing the movie.

  10. C4GoodBuddy says:

    I like the explosions. I’d see this just for all of the explosions. There can never be enough to my way of thinking.

  11. Sambuca Jones says:

    Better than any Beatles film. That’s for sure.

  12. Buzz Lawry says:

    I didn’t like the tacked on romantic subplot.

    • Meat Pants says:

      Where did you see a romantic subplot in this trailer? You’re high.

      There was a 20-minute sequence of Lars and Vas having unsimulated sex with Vas’ wife Trixie Beamount, the adult film star, but that got completely edited out.

      • Debbie D. says:

        I’d like to see that footage if they can find a way to edit out Lars and Vas so that we just see Trixie.