Front man Lars Gunblade and guitarist Vas Defrens boldly encouraged Ass Clowns fans to be violent during concerts in their latest interview. “Yeah, we did. Why not?” asked Gunblade after the interview as he made out with two groupies. “Ass Clowns fans are pretty stupid actually. Real easy to manipulate. Seriously, we pull the strings here!”

Also discussed was the band’s infamous gig at Historic Dildo Days in Newfoundland. After playing a concert date in 2011, the band was uninvited the following year. “That one stills hurts. Ass Clowns fans in Canada are missing out” said Gunblade during a break in the filming.

Directing the interview was adult film star (and wife of Vas Defrens) Trixie Beaumont who directed the interview nude to keep the two rock stars focused. “If I didn’t flash the goods those two guys wouldn’t be able to put two sentences together. Nude women make most guy’s brains shut down. Lars and Vas are just the opposite. Having nude women around seems to make them smarter. But come on. We’re not exactly talking brainiacs here but at least they can complete sentences and you can understand what they’re saying.”

“I’m sick of being interviewed,” said Defrens as he left the studio. “I’m sick of talking about Ass Clowns fans. I’m sick of everything. Seriously, I’m done with this. Interview the rest of the band if you want but I’m done.”

Rumors swirled about why manager Jerry Gold didn’t conduct the latest interview. We phoned Gold at his home but his only comment was for us to do something that was physically impossible. When we asked Trixie why she was directing, she commented, “Well, I wanted to direct something. I went over to Jerry’s house last week and let’s just say he got something in return. Although I must admit that I wish I had just banged him instead.”


  1. Dr. Robert Neville says:

    I don’t like these people. They’re both pretty stupid. And if they’re so famous why haven’t I heard of them before?

  2. Eugene Barkley says:

    Everything about this band offends me. I mean everything!

  3. Acer69 says:

    Not a very likable band, is it? I think the very fact that the Ass Clowns try so hard to alienate their fans is the reason I like them in a way that could be considered unhealthy.

  4. Bill Simcoe says:

    I saw them at Historic Dildo Days and they sucked.

    • Slayer666 says:

      I saw you at Historic Dildo Days and you were sucking a few things as well, am I right?

      • Bill Simcoe says:

        No, not really. But then again I didn’t visit the gay bath house on the edge of town like you obviously did.

  5. Won Ton Jones says:

    Great interview. I hate the band but a great interview.