Legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns announced the five girls who will be sacrificed as virgins at the conclusion of their controversial free concert in Centralia, PA on August 11.  Chosen from dozens of applicants, the girls are scheduled to be consumed in flames while the band performs their new song, Burn You To A Crisp from their latest CD Express Elevator To Hell.

  1. Candi R., 20 (Brisbane, Australia). Candi wants to be the first to be sacrificed. “This works out really well,” says Candi. “I didn’t want to go back to college in the fall so now I can be famous and avoid deciding on a major. That’s so cool.”
  2. Debbie D., 19 (Haney, Canada). Debbie freely admits she’s a virgin in name only. “It’s all in the mind,” says Debbie. “My boyfriend is really psyched about the whole thing and doesn’t think I’ll go through with it. I’ll show him. He promises to taunt me when I’m in my death throes.”
  3. Kelly J., 24 (Grand Prairie, TX). “I’ll be so drunk that I won’t feel anything,” says Kelly. “My God, I’d never do this sober. That would be crazy.”
  4. Laurie Q., 20 (Eau Claire, Wisconsin). “I expect to get a modeling contract after this,” says Laurie. “Of course, I’ll be dead but it’s just the idea that counts.”
  5. Holly Z., 18 (Shamokin, PA). “This should be awesome,” says Holly. “I know I’m going to die and all but at least I’ll be famous. That’s the main thing.”

The band has stated that each “virgin” will be tossed into the steaming fissures that are a result of the active underground coal fire that caused the town to be abandoned and its buildings razed. “I figure the kind of people that wanted to see witches burn in the middle ages are the kind of people that will show up for our concert,” said front man Lars Gunblade.


  1. Mike Hunt says:

    I read on somebody’s blog that they’re shooting a calendar of the Ass Clowns virgins today in explicit poses and making love to each other. Total hard-core porn from what I read. I don’t think that’s right. I naturally have no objection whatsoever to their being killed in a sacrifice at the concert but objectifying them like this is really low-class.

    I’ll certainly buy a copy of this calendar to keep it out of other people’s hands.

    • Micro-Warrior says:

      Some of the photos were leaked to the internet last night. Really hot stuff and 100% explicit. This could be a VERY interesting concert is they reenact the two photos my wife and I saw. This band knows what the fans want, that’s for sure.

  2. Joe-Nad says:

    I’m from Wilkes-Barre and frankly I’m disgusted by this whole thing. How dare some awful rock band come to Centralia and disgrace it even more more than it has been? I’ve been hearing rumors that there will be a lot of protestors in Centralia on Saturday. I’lll be there too and you can bet my sign won’t have any spelllling mistakes!!!

  3. Dave from Scranton says:

    I don’t know how they’re going to “sacrifice” virgins at this concert but I would like to see this concert. Me and my buddies often go to Centralia to huff the smoke coming out of the ground. It’s cool but some chick in a red pickup chased us off last time.

    Doesn’t seem like those holes are hot enough to burn up those virgins. Just sayin’.

    • TonyZ says:

      Hi, Dave,

      It’s Tony. A friend of mine spotted a van with the letters NTAC on the side near Centralia about an hour ago. Bet the advance crew is scouting out the location for the concert.

  4. Cindy L. says:

    This entire website is disgusting. This obviously worthless band is an insult to our intelligence. Their crude sexism is deplorable and totally unacceptable in the 21st century. I hope no one goes to this concert.

  5. Ricky Fitts says:

    I went to school with Kelly J. in Thailand. She dumped me when I asked to try something a little different in bed. Kind of ironic now that she posts videos daily of guys doing that to her on a certain adult video channel. Glad to see she’s going to be sacrificed. She deserves it.

  6. Taffy757 says:

    I’m so mad that I didn’t make the cut… and after all the things I did to get selected! But I got my revenge. I hope every member of the band likes getting VD because they have it now!!!

  7. Tatter793 says:

    I live in Shamokin, PA and am so glad to see a local girl was selected to be sacrificed. Hey, Holly, maybe we can go out before the concert? After the concert wouldn’t really work out, know what I mean?

  8. torrance mike says:

    They seem like nice girls. It’s a shame that they’ll be sacrificed.

  9. Edna S. says:

    This is sick and the people behind this website are all going to hell and burn for an eternity. I’ve never heard of this band and I certainly won’t be attending this concert. How can this be allowed anyway?

    • Horace G. says:

      Edna, you are so right. These girls are sacrificing themselves at this concert for all the wrong reasons. To avoid going back to college… to impress a boyfriend… I’m sorry but that doesn’t cut the mustard in my book. I know it’s awful to think about but I hope that they all kiss and make out before they burn up. That would at least make it interesting. Not that I condone any of this!!!!!!!!

  10. a guy from somewhere says: