No Talent Ass Clowns Protesters

No Talent Ass Clowns Protests in Kings Nose, NJ

Protests have erupted nationwide over the release of the latest No Talent Ass Clowns‘ CD Ass On Demand. The most aggressive protests have been in Kings Nose, NJ, where the infamous band got their start in the early 1990s.

“Ass, ass, ass, that’s all this band is about!” said Rev. Jake J. Weatherspoon of Kings Nose bitterly. “Ass On Demand is appalling music. And ass is not as readily available as this band makes it seem. Believe me, I know. If protesting can lead to the deaths of each band member, I have done my job as a Christian.”

“As a woman, all of this ass talk is offensive,” said protester Gladys P. O’Toole. “Yeah, I’ve put out for a lot of bands that come to town but that doesn’t mean I’m a ho. And just for the record, [lead singer] Lars Gunblade isn’t exactly God’s gift to women in the sack. I have had two of his children and he has never called me. Why won’t he call me?” said O’Toole as she started to cry pitifully.

What does the band make of this? “We love it,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “If the audience looks threatening at one of our concerts, we’ll simply have security kill a few people as an example. They’ll quiet down after the blood starts to flow. Don’t forget that I’ve already killed concertgoers. It’s no big deal. The No Talent Ass Clowns love violence.


  1. pfc dan the man says:

    this band is about ass. that’s why i listen to their stuff. i get songs about ass. that’s what i expect and thats what i want. any dickweed or protester who tries to interfere with my right to ass-related songs can expect a meeting with mr. smith and mr. wesson, if you get my drift.

    • randy man says:

      Jeez, Dan, you sound like a closeted gay to me. Seriously, you need to sit down, listen to some Celine Dion and relax with some chamomile tea.

  2. Meat Pants says:

    These protesters are johnny-come-lately types. I’ve demanded the death of this band for years.

  3. Aging Fox Viewer says:

    I belong to the Tea Party and I found this obvious attack disgusting. You people make me sick. Hope you all die.

    • Lonesome Rhodes says:

      Please don’t take this person’s comment as a typical one from Fox News Viewers. First of all, this person is “winging” it. Fox News hasn’t commented on this story so the commenter was making up his or her own mind about this story. That is not allowed. As for me, I’ll have an opinion on this blog when–and only when–Fox News tells me what my opinion should be. Thank you.

  4. Bernice K. says:

    I don’t like Ass On Demand very much but my 10-year old thinks it’s great. These kids today, what do they know?

  5. Sir Reverance says:

    If these bullshit protesters want my copy of Ass on Demand, they can pry it from my cold, dead ass cheeks.

    • Serge from Greenwich Village says:

      Well said.

      Any chance I can pry it from your warm, live ass cheeks?

  6. Jonathan Worthington III says:

    I’ve never heard of this CD (or this band) but I’d love to get it because I’m really hung up on ass-related stuff. Amazon doesn’t seem to list their albums. Where are they available?

    • T-Bone says:

      Jonathan, it’s cool. The band had a major fight with Amazon and that’s why they aren’t selling their CDs on there. I got some good connections so just send me cash and I’ll get whatever Ass Clowns CDs you need. Just contact me offline.

  7. Philip Traum says:

    I live in Kings Nose, NJ and I never saw this protest. I think this story is fake.

  8. Sgt. J. P. R. says:

    No one takes down this band if I have anything to say about it. I am locked and loaded and ready to protect the greatest band on earth–The No Talent Ass Clowns. Lars, Vas, Carnage, Joey… don’t worry… I have your back.

  9. Trish G. says:

    I like the naked chick in the background. Looks like my kind of protest!

    • Ron J. says:

      Please contact me offline. I have a proposal for you.

      • Trish G. says:

        Dear Ron,

        To answer your questions:

        1.) Yes, I did in college but not since.
        2.) No, but I’ll try it.
        3.) Maybe, but I’m not sure that’s legal.
        4.) I don’t know. I’ve flirted with them but they seem straight.
        5.) Five months ago and I was negative.
        6.) Sure, if it doesn’t hurt.
        7.) I prefer the Ramada Inn.
        8.) No to spanking. Yes to handcuffs.

        • Rob D from NC says:

          Hey, Ron,

          You should avoid Trish like the damned plague. Unless you like a chick coming at you with a strap-on over and over each night, skip this action. Believe me, I’ve been there with this chick (and it hurts after the third time).

          • Ron J says:


            Glad I ignored Rob D’s advice. Last night was incredible. You are so flexible! But now it hurts like shit when I pee. Do you need to tell me something?

  10. Nick Barkley says:

    Live, die, who cares… this band sucks.