No Talent Ass Clowns Protests in Kings Nose, NJ
Protests have erupted nationwide over the release of the latest No Talent Ass Clowns‘ CD Ass On Demand. The most aggressive protests have been in Kings Nose, NJ, where the infamous band got their start in the early 1990s.
“Ass, ass, ass, that’s all this band is about!” said Rev. Jake J. Weatherspoon of Kings Nose bitterly. “Ass On Demand is appalling music. And ass is not as readily available as this band makes it seem. Believe me, I know. If protesting can lead to the deaths of each band member, I have done my job as a Christian.”
“As a woman, all of this ass talk is offensive,” said protester Gladys P. O’Toole. “Yeah, I’ve put out for a lot of bands that come to town but that doesn’t mean I’m a ho. And just for the record, [lead singer] Lars Gunblade isn’t exactly God’s gift to women in the sack. I have had two of his children and he has never called me. Why won’t he call me?” said O’Toole as she started to cry pitifully.
What does the band make of this? “We love it,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “If the audience looks threatening at one of our concerts, we’ll simply have security kill a few people as an example. They’ll quiet down after the blood starts to flow. Don’t forget that I’ve already killed concertgoers. It’s no big deal. The No Talent Ass Clowns love violence.“