Red Rocks looks large in rock history. But not for one band. Legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns are mad that their experience at Red Rocks Amphitheater was “shit” compared to U2’s famous 1983 concert at the same venue.

“We showed up and gave a concert. That’s it. Basically, nothing happened,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “It was just a concert. Why was U2 given God-like status for their concert at Red Rocks? Tell me that! This is just another reason that Bono pisses me off. And I’ve got a long list of reasons. Personal reasons.”

“It didn’t rain, that was depressing,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “I was hoping the lightning would come and one of us or all of us would be electrocuted and we’d burst into flames and shit. That would have outdone U2 in a big way. But it didn’t happen. The whole thing was just a big let down. Even the groupies after the show weren’t that great. Except for Annette. Man, that thing you did with the thing? That was awesome. You gotta join us on tour. Next time, we want to film you doing that. It was definitely a talent you got going on. I’m like totally serious, man.”

“I can’t imagine the Ass Clowns ever coming back to Red Rocks,” said Gunblade. “Seriously, why would we? There are plenty of other venues out there and plenty of groupies we haven’t even tapped yet. So, we’re moving on. Red Rocks is definitely in our rear view mirror.”


  1. Mickey Sanchez says:

    I was at that concert. The female fans were topless of course. I spied a sexy chick in front of me and we banged during the encore. Nobody around us could even tell what we were doing although I suppose I tipped my hat when I shouted, “I’m gonna shoot” over and over at the top of my lungs. But I’m getting off-topic here.

    The Ass Clowns played a terrible gig that night. I hated it. If it hadn’t been for that nameless chick, it would have been a lousy night.

    • VK279 says:

      But Mickey, you’ve never known the touch of a woman. Why do you make up stuff like this? You’re only embarrassing yourself.

  2. Buster C. says:

    I could vomit and then watch the vomit for two hours and it would be more fascinating than watching these two morans. I’ve never heard their music and I’m glad. They look like total dicks.

  3. Lt. Col. James Chalmers says:

    I find this band loathsome in the extreme.

  4. Andreas Emmerich says:

    So people actually pay to see this band? In concert? That’s like paying to watch someone paint a house.

  5. Jackson P. says:

    When were they at Red Rocks? I monitor their schedule and I don’t remember this band playing there. WTF?