The No Talent Ass Clowns have once again stated their requirement that fans must pay an annual fee for a fan membership card to be their fans. The lordly sum of $200 is now required by the band in order for fans to be able to call themselves fans. Two years ago, the price was $500 but the band is now giving a discount until 2017.

For that price, fans receive a fan membership card that entitles them to many exclusive benefits. “It’s worth the money,” says front man Lars Gunblade. “It would still be worth it if we charged them five grand. We’re not going to do that, however. At least not for the next fiscal year. In 2017, no options are off the table.”

It Doesn’t End With a Fan Membership Card

“I think a fan membership card is a great idea,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. The bad boy guitarist also created a fee for groupies to come backstage. “Hey, they’re getting themselves some Vas loving for nothing. I was being exploited. I should at least get paid if I’m being exploited. I mean, that’s only fair, right?”

“They’ve like totally sold out,” said Amber, a long-time No Talent Ass Clowns groupie. “Banging the band should be free. Paying seems so corporate. I’m really disappointed in these guys. But not so disappointed that I’ll skip being with them. I’m totally theirs after concerts. I don’t how I’ll afford it but I’ll figure out something.”


  1. Jimster H. says:

    I’d rather pay my ticket into hell than pay to be a fan of these pricks.

  2. The Assman says:

    I want that membership card.

  3. Nancy Clancy says:

    And does the band pay the groupies for their medical costs after being given various social diseases? A girlfriend of mine partied with the Ass Clowns for about six months and now her lady parts are all messed up. I won’t even give you the details. You’d throw up.

  4. Cary Nation says:

    They would have to pay ME 200 bucks to be their fans. They look like total dickheads. I’m serious.