The No Talent Ass Clowns’s CD, Say Hello to My Posterior, may not have made it into the Billboard Top 100 albums but it is enjoying popularity with a fundamentalist Christian church in Snake Alley, NC. The small church worships each track on the CD as the literal word from heaven.
“Yes, we believe singer Lars Gunblade is bringing us God’s word,” said Deacon Skip Mattingly. “With that in mind, apparently God is obsessed with anonymous sex and perverse sex acts. This kind of threw us at first but we’ve gotten used to it. Now we throw around foul language and sexist comments without even thinking twice about it. I think Lars and the rest of the band would be proud of us.”
The church has even constructed statues of the band members that it has placed on their altar. “Believe me, there’s nothing quite like seeing Lars, Vas, Carnage and Joey on Sunday morning giving us a rock and roll sneer from the altar,” said Deacon Mattingly. “We’re not sure how backdoor sex with groupies gets us any closer to heaven but we’re following the word of the Ass Clowns to the letter. They are showing us the way. At least we hope so.”
What does the band think of this? “I think it’s great,” said Lars Gunblade. “We’ll have to cruise down there and see if any of the chicks in the church are do-able. If so, we’ll show them the way alright!”