No Talent Ass Clowns Call It Quits

Posted: 26th October 2011 by Lucky in Latest Ass Clown Updates

“We’ve done. It’s over. I hate these guys. I hope they all die.”

Those were the words of No Talent Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade when he announced that the band is splitting up. “No one in the band realizes how great I am. Now, some of them have their own ideas how our songs should be played rather than doing what I tell them to do. That’s when I realized I had to pull the plug!” said Gunblade aboard the band’s tour blimp.

“I’m glad it’s over,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “Lars is a nightmare. Carnage [Smith] and Joey [Van Dundro] aren’t much better. I can’t count the number of times I tried poisoning their Jack Daniels. Yet, somehow, they’d survive even when I upped the dosage enough to kill an elephant.”

Although the band is over, Gunblade said they will continue to play concert dates indefinitely. “Hey, that’s money. We’re lip-synching anyway so it’s an easy gig.”

Fans worldwide are horrified. “I can’t believe that there will be no more Ass Clowns CDs,” said Buford Picklefeather of Perth Amboy, NJ. “I have rigged a noose in my hallway and will do myself in if the band doesn’t reconsider.”


  1. Ben Turpin says:

    This band is a joke. Good riddance.

  2. Bill Gunblade says:

    The ass clowns breaking up is long, long overdue!!! Behind the Times is good album but Pucker Factor was totally paint-by-numbers bullshit. The less said about Say Hello to My Posterior the better. I long for the day when no one remembers them anymore.

  3. Ron J. says:

    When I heard the band was breaking up, I shot my load.

  4. Buford Picklefeather says:

    Once again, I did not give you shits the OK to use my quote. This is like the third time! I want it removed.