Lars Gunblade

Singer Lars Gunblade

Infamous No Talent Ass Clowns singer Lars Gunblade has one thing to say to his legions of fans… don’t look at him.

“I’ve been hearing these stories about B-list TV actors who insist that extras don’t look at them on set,” said Gunblade during a press conference aboard the band’s tour blimp. “And I thought, hey, what a horrible way to treat other human beings in this world. Then I thought, yeah, that’s a great f-ing idea! If completely worthless actors can make this demand and people actually do it, why can’t I?”

Gunblade has demanded from today forward fans cannot look him in the eye. “Damn right!” continued Gunblade. “Not at concerts, not on the street, not in brothels and definitely not in crack houses. I’ve even extended that policy to the rest of the band. I don’t need them looking me in the eye either.”

“Fine by me,” returned guitarist Vas Defrens, who carefully avoided looking in Gunblade’s direction. “I have other things to look at. Like my enormous member.”


  1. Harvey Mangod says:

    Like I’ve said many times before… I’m gonna shoot!

  2. Not Lew Flapp says:

    I respect Lars’ new policy.

    On a side note, I seriously doubt that Vas Defrens has an enormous member.

  3. Ladies Man 551 says:

    I Googled “Ass” and this is what I get? Big dissappointment.

  4. Walter Winchell says:

    Pretty much done with this website. The Ass Clowns just don’t seem that strange anymore and that was their only appeal for me.

    • D. Walton says:

      I know the band’s fake and I used to enjoy the joke and all of the stories of what they’re up to. Trouble is Lars and the boys aren’t as ridiculous as a lot of real celebrities out there. After all, you can’t get more stupid than stupid. That’s the problem.

      That being said, I really like the “Rectal Hall” blog from a couple of months ago. It was sick, funny and disturbing. A good combination.

      • Wallex Treeflex says:

        If you don’t think the Ass Clowns are real, then you’re pretty stupid. I’ve been a fan since 1999. In a word, FU.

  5. J. C. says:

    What kind of jackass releases a publicity photo of himself standing in a public urinal?

    • Sir Charles Gurney says:

      That’s the way Lars rolls. Why do you have a problem with that. Maybe the problem is YOU!

      • Barbara Kay says:

        I think the problem is YOU, Sir Charles. I order you to never comment here again. Is that perfectly clear?

        • Sir Charles Gurney says:

          Crystal clear, Barbara. I will never comment here again. I didn’t realize that my comment had caused a problem. So, I’m signing off. I’ve enjoyed this website enormously and I’ll miss commenting although come to think of it, I only made the one comment. This doesn’t sound very fair but… there you go.

  6. Wendy B. says:

    All I’ve got to say is, I pooped today. And that’s about as profound as anything Lars Gunblade says or does. That being said, I’m his biggest fan by far. Rock on, Lars. Burn one for me.

  7. Not Lew Flapp says:

    I figured this would happen sooner or later. Lars is too egotistical to let pampered Hollywood stars make people grovel more than he can.

  8. Buford Picklefeather says:

    Why would I pay to see them in concert if I can’t look at the singer? Christ, I hate the Ass Clowns sometimes. Guess I’ll have to stare at the rest of the band instead although I must admit that I find Vas’ package disturbing in those tight leather pants.

    • Scoopy P. says:

      Oh, give it a rest, Miss Picklefeather. One minute, you’re an Ass Clowns groupie and the next, you hate them. You’re such a little girl. I just hate you so much that I want to kill myself with a dull butter knife.

      • Buford Picklefeather says:

        My, that would be a shame if you did that because we’d miss your wonderful comments here.

        And I don’t appreciate the “Miss” reference. I’m not gay… at least not very often.