The No Talent Ass Clowns

The No Talent Ass Clowns

The No Talent Ass Clowns plans to play an impromptu outdoor concert last night in Gooseberry Mound Park in Fargo, North Dakota while completely naked failed miserably. Six minutes after hitting the stage in the raw during a historic “polar vortex” that plunged temperatures to -30, band members staggered back to their dressing rooms where they were rushed to an area hospital.

“We’re okay now, ” said front man Lars Gunblade. “But we had some frostbite issues and three of us had to have our Johnsons amputated. That’s going to change the whole dynamic with our groupies, that’s for sure. Sorry girls, guess we’ll just watch from now on.”

“I didn’t want to do this,” remarked drummer Joey Van Dundro from his hospital bed. “I didn’t wanna see the junk of my fellow band members and I didn’t want to freeze my balls off. Well, guess what?!”


  1. Walter S. says:

    Freeze and die. Please!

  2. Mike Oxlong says:

    Banging these ho’s all up in they buttholes

  3. Warrior God 27 says:

    I have longed to do something like this although I guess I’d skip the whole cut off my schlong part.

    • anita bonita T4U says:

      Don’t believe him. Warrior God is my ex. He’s a grocery clerk and he likes to wear diapers in bed. He’s not very good in the sack either. Plus, he sucks his thumb, reads Cosmo and prefers porn with she-males. And worse of all, he leaves the toilet seat up.

      • Warrior God 27 says:

        Well, I was wondering when you’d chime in, skank. We split up because I couldn’t afford to keep paying her for sex. Just got too expensive. As an ass clowns fan you can guess I like it “the other way” which she charged more for. I’m damn near broke because of her.

  4. Bonito Rolo says:

    This blog sucks but I like it.

  5. El 50 Chins says:

    I’m a professional hit man and I love reading this blog. It’s very entertaining. After I waste someone, I enjoy unwinding here afterward with the madcap antics of the ass clowns.

    • Mike E. says:

      Hey, El 50, I’m also a professional hit man. We should get together and compare notes. And, BTW, stay the hell out of South Philly if you know what’s good for you, you bastard.

  6. Father MacKenzie says:

    Too bad they all didn’t just die.

  7. Nick Barkley says:


  8. Vinnie from Staten Island says:

    Serves them right, the self-righteous pricks… wait, that expression no longer applies, do it? Ha, bloody, ha!!

  9. Loretta says:

    I heard about this concert on Twitter yesterday and went. They started turning blue about two minutes in. About thirty seconds later, Vas shouted “Holy f*ckwad, I can’t feel my trouser snake or my bean bag!” They stopped playing and looked real scared. Then they slowly walked offstage to the boos of the crowd. Best concert ever.

  10. Candi says:

    Well, guys, I guess you won’t be seeing me backstage next week!