World famous rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns recently took some time out of their busy touring schedule to hang out with TwaüghtHammër, a local Albuquerque, New Mexico metal band. Between playing Rage and a lengthy meth bender, the two bands forged common ground.

“We really dug their drummer… some strung-out guy named Jesse,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “Plus, he turned us onto some amazing product he called “Blue Sky” that really blew our hair back. It was tight. Tight! Anyway, musically, they’re nowhere. Their singer, Badger, is a seriously stupid guy who kept asking us over and over if we were cops. But if they can keep us supplied with massive amounts of that blue stuff, we don’t care.”

The Ass Clowns hinted that TwaüghtHammër may open up for them in the near future. “Jesse said he had some other business arrangements he had to take care of first,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “But he sounded interested. I remember he kept saying, ‘Yeah, bitch!’ every time we mentioned touring together.”


  1. Candi says:

    Even if Twaughthammer is terrible, they’re a thousand times better than the No Talent Ass Clowns. I was a groupie with the Ass Clowns for months. My ob-gyn can’t believe I survived the infections I had.

  2. Rico MoFo says:

    I’ve never heard of either of these bands. WTF?

  3. Skinny Pete 69 says:

    I’m a friend of the guys in TwaughtHammer. I was there when The Ass Clowns came by in their limo. They were total dicks yo. Just horrible wastes of skin.

  4. F7BJME says:

    I never heard of this Twaughthammer. They sound like they’d be horrible. Come to think of it, I never heard of The No Talent Ass Clowns either. This whole webpage sounds like total bullshit to me. I’ll bet all of these comments are fake too!

  5. Wilfred J. says:

    Why is this Ass Clowns blog free? I’d gladly pay 50 bucks a month for it.

  6. Malice Towards All-52 says:

    Why are the Ass Clowns lowering themselves to party with some local shit band like this Twaughthammer?

    The No Talent Ass Clowns have paid their dues and become one of the great bands of all time. Why hang with nobodies like Twaughthammer?

  7. Sam Bass says:

    Two loser bands.

    Seriously, who cares?

  8. Walt W. says:

    I saw Twaughthammer once. They played at a dance at the high school where I used to teach. They were no Boz Scaggs, that’s for sure.

  9. Roderick F. says:

    TwaüghtHammër is the best band ever.

  10. Not Lew Flapp says:

    I’m not familiar with this band TwaughtHammer but their name is enough to tell me that they must be great.