LarsAid Lars Gunblade

“I gave my life savings to LarsAid,” said one female fan. “I think I got boned and not in a good way.”

For years, LarsAid has been on the IRS’s watch list of highly questionable charities. The fund, set up to benefit No Talent Ass Clowns frontman Lars Gunblade, has long been suspected of being bogus.

“Seriously, this is 100% fake,” said IRS representative Jonathan Tuttle. “You can only make donations in cash to a mail box in Albania. I’ve seen plenty of fake charities before but never one so obvious. It’s like this son of a bitch wants to go to jail or something. I mean, we’ll be more than happy to accommodate Mr. Gunblade and send him to the hoosegow where he can be someone’s bitch. I guess you could call that poetic justice. And I’m not just saying that because Gunblade banged my wife after a concert in 1998 and she left me right afterwards to join them on the road. That’s irrelevant. Totally beside the point.”

“LarsAid is my dream,” says Gunblade

“Hey, I need this charity,” said Gunblade after a recent concert. “Playing music and touring is work and I hate work. I want people to give me money for not doing anything. That’s my dream. And LarsAid is a way to make that dream come true.”

Many fans are highly supportable of Gunblade and LarsAid. “A lot of people are trying to kill me,” said Nick Ray Tummo of Fresno, California. “Somebody’s gonna waste me soon. I just got a feeling, a feeling deep inside that Lars could use the money more than me.”

The IRS has promised that Gunblade will likely to brought up on charges within the next few months. Gunblade remains defiant, however, and has promised retaliation if the IRS moves any further with their investigation. “I’m a rock star, ” says Gunblade. “That means I can do whatever I want. I’m beyond the law, just like Bob Geldoff.”

COMMENT ON THIS BLOG RIGHT NOW

  1. Sisam says:

    Forgive me for being stupid enough to think that I could spam this website. I’m that stupid.

  2. Father MacKenzie says:

    If that’s not an honest face, I don’t know what is!

  3. Gladys Z. says:

    My husband took our savings and send it to LarsAid. Now, we don’t have a pot to piss in. Our four children basically are starving. I’ve had to go back to turning tricks at the local truck stop (although I actually kind of enjoy that to be perfectly honest).

    The point is, LarsAid cost us everything. They probably going to foreclose on our trailer next month and we borrowed money from some mafia types and they promised to cut off my husband’s thumbs once he owes more than $10,000. It’s pretty bad down here. I’ve got my sawed off 12-gauge if anyone tries to get in the house but I can’t defend myself if they flank me and throw in those damned flash-bang things. I almost lost my hearing the last time they did that.

    • Rory Storm says:

      Gladys, no offense, but you are quite completely insane. Your message is kind of scary really. I mean really scary.

      • Gladys Z. says:

        Sorry you feel that way. Well, the cops showed up this morning and we’re in a standoff here at the old homestead. I’m pretty sure I winged a deputy when they were approaching the front door. I didn’t aim dead center because I went to high school with the guy. We’ve been trading shots back and forth all morning and there’s a lot of damage to my compound that will take forever to fix. Got tons of food and I’m dug in. They killed the power a few minutes ago, just like I thought they would. But it’s OK because I’m listening to The No Talent Ass Clowns at full volume and it’s great. I’d forgotten how good their first album really was. Hang on, gotta go. They’re up to something out there.

  4. James Wad says:

    LarsAid? That dickweed should be paying ME to be going to his band’s lousy concerts. They’re the worse. I used to go to every one of their shows in the U.S. but I’ve scaled back and now I only go to concerts of theirs in the tri-state area. Like I said, they’re terrible.

  5. Weetabix My Arse says:

    I’ll pay… for Lars Gunblade to go to jail.

  6. Klaus Voorman says:

    LarsAid is a joke. Lars should be giving us money to listen to his shitty band that plays shitty music. Their lyrics are shitty. Their sound is shitty. Their fans are pigs. I mean, yeah, I’m a fan and I never, ever miss an Ass Clowns concert if they’re playing in the US but still.

  7. Sam Bass says:

    I live in a homeless shelter now because I gave my life savings to LarsAid. I’d do it again in a minute. Although I don’t like all of the lice here, I have to admit.