Factory-Sealed Fornicators, a no-hit wonder band of 1991, bit the dust in 1992. Two members of the band went on to lengthy prison terms for prostitution and racketeering (they were released in 2011). Two, Lars Gunblade and Vas Defrens, went on to form The No Talent Ass Clowns. And now, despite no demands for it, the Fornicators are launching a reunion concert to be held at Consumption Auditorium in the fall.
“Yeah, I always said that I hated that band and the music we played,” said Ass Clowns front man Lars Gunblade. “But sometimes, you just get bored. I mean really, really bored to the point where dumb shit seems like a good idea. Perhaps the hatred we feel toward each other will act as some sort of catalyst on stage and we’ll do something amazing. Or it will suck, which is a lot more likely.”
The Fornicators reunion concert seems unlikely to generate much interest. Their one and only CD, Limited Edition Bimbo Collection, was universally panned and in concert, they played to mostly empty houses. To keep history from repeating itself, Consumption Auditorium will not be charging for tickets. In fact, they will pay each concertgoer $50 to attend. “I’m playin’ it safe,” says Pedro O’Brien, Consumption Auditorium’s manager. “Even with paying people, I figure we’ll be lucky to fill a 1/3 of the room. Seriously, they’re that bad!”