Comments Off on Guitarist Vas Defrens: “I hate our fans.”
Guitarist Vas Defrens

Guitarist Vas Defrens: “Our fans suck”

Bad boy guitarist Vas Defrens of The No Talent Ass Clowns recently let fans know where they stand… in the toilet.

“Yeah, our fans totally suck,” said Defrens after a recent sell-out concert. Defrens told how he and the rest of the band held lengthy discussions about how inconvenient it was to have fans.

“It would be so much easier if we didn’t have to pacify stupid fans by playing concerts for them and putting out CDs to buy. They’re greedy and they always want more,” says Defrens. “And Lars, Joey and Carnage feel the same.”

“I mean, yeah, there are the chicks and that’s great. But do we have to put up with all the rest? If I had a choice between playing a long, sweaty concert with five encores or staying at home and doing it with several well-endowed groupies, naturally, I’d prefer playing hid the sausage with the groupies. Who wouldn’t?”

The infamous guitarist also had a “shit list” of the band’s least favorite cities. “The cities we hate are thus… One, Brisbane, Australia, that’s definitely the worst by far… two, Indianapolis, Indiana, the fans there were truly, truly pigs. I’m sure there are others but we’re usually so stoned that it’s hard to tell where we are at any given time.”

When asked if he had any plans to quit the group, Defrens was evasive. “A few years ago, I did a solo CD called Worship My Guitar and the so-called fans didn’t buy it. Guess I have to stick with this crap until I finally summon the courage to O.D. on heroin in some five-star hotel room someday.”