Guitarist Vas Defrens

Guitarist Vas Defrens: “Our fans suck”

Bad boy guitarist Vas Defrens of The No Talent Ass Clowns recently let fans know where they stand… in the toilet.

“Yeah, our fans totally suck,” said Defrens after a recent sell-out concert. Defrens told how he and the rest of the band held lengthy discussions about how inconvenient it was to have fans.

“It would be so much easier if we didn’t have to pacify stupid fans by playing concerts for them and putting out CDs to buy. They’re greedy and they always want more,” says Defrens. “And Lars, Joey and Carnage feel the same.”

“I mean, yeah, there are the chicks and that’s great. But do we have to put up with all the rest? If I had a choice between playing a long, sweaty concert with five encores or staying at home and doing it with several well-endowed groupies, naturally, I’d prefer playing hid the sausage with the groupies. Who wouldn’t?”

The infamous guitarist also had a “shit list” of the band’s least favorite cities. “The cities we hate are thus… One, Brisbane, Australia, that’s definitely the worst by far… two, Indianapolis, Indiana, the fans there were truly, truly pigs. I’m sure there are others but we’re usually so stoned that it’s hard to tell where we are at any given time.”

When asked if he had any plans to quit the group, Defrens was evasive. “A few years ago, I did a solo CD called Worship My Guitar and the so-called fans didn’t buy it. Guess I have to stick with this crap until I finally summon the courage to O.D. on heroin in some five-star hotel room someday.”


  1. Hoosier Concert says:

    Oh come on dude!!! Indianapolis ends up on ya’lls’ sh!t list just cuz a few of us flung couple piles ‘o hog feces up on the stage? What did ja expect playing at a redneck bar called “The Party Barn” anyways… sorry ’bout gettin’ a bit of da excrement in ya hair though, our farts!

  2. Buford Picklefeather says:

    We, the fans, hate you too, Vas.

    I, for one, would like to see this band break up. I pray for it day after day, month after month. And nothing.


    • Wanker909 says:

      Agreed. I despise The No Talent Ass Clowns with every fiber of my being. I’ve cut way down on concerts of theirs that I go to. I wouldn’t go at all but their music always gets the girls I go out with to want to do it after the concert so I have to keep that in mind.

      • Stormtrooper69 says:

        Good point. My girlfriend and I were on the verge of breaking up. We went to an Ass Clowns concert and afterwards she wanted to do it constantly while the Ass Clowns played on my ipod. Actually, after a few months, I couldn’t keep up with her and wound up dumping her. True story.

  3. John Thomas says:

    Who names themselves after the tube that’s inside of a penis???? That’s sick.

  4. Penny L. says:

    I made sweet love to Vas Defrens after a concert in 2009. He was an incredible lover although a little ass-obsessed, I must admit. I had never done THAT before. Now I’m addicted. Thank you, Vas. Rock on, m-fer!!!

  5. Nicki D. says:

    Well, fans hate the band too. I don’t think that gets mentioned often enough. I really hate these guys and I shout that out at every Ass Clowns concert.

  6. Meat Pants says:

    Vas Defrens is the best. I love how he always speaks his mind.