Tour Blimp #2
Six months after destroying their first tour blimp in an elaborate joke on the pubic to make it appear the band had died, The No Talent Ass Clowns launched their second tour blimp on Saturday.
“Yeah, it was a funny joke and we laughed our asses off but it wound up costing us shitloads of money,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “I guess that’s just another reason we had to declare bankruptcy.
The new blimp has the same amenities as the original: hot tubs and private bedrooms. “It’s a place to relax with our groupies,” said drummer Joey Van Dundro. “It blows away Led Zeppelin and their stupid private jet, the Starship. That was lame. Led Zepp were just amateur pervs. Our blimp is the new frontier of decadence.”
“Well, I’m envious,” said former Led Zeppelin singer Robert Plant. “We thought we had defined bad behavior for rock bands forever and here are the No Talent Ass Clowns taking it to the new level. They get more groupies pregnant in a day than I did in five years on the road. Believe me, that’s pretty impressive.”
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I saw the Ass Clowns backstage once. They told me that I was a pompous moron who didn’t know anything about anything. I had to agree with them.
The Ass Clowns blimp flew over my house yesterday. As I looked up watching, I got hit with a load of sewage that they were dumping. Stank like hell. Pissed my off. And the weird thing is, I’m starting to lose the feeling in my left side.
Hey, thou shall not trash Led Zepp. The Ass Clowns have done the unforgivable. I’ll never buy one of their CDs again. Rip ’em sure. But not buy ’em.
I wish I could be on board. I hung with the band during their 2002 tour. Those guys are up for anything. it was kind of disturbing actually.
Debbie,
You are being a bit vague about what you did with the band while on tour. Could you go into far greater detail?
Debbie,
Thanks for contacting me off-line. Wow. I mean… wow. You are certainly the adventurous type of girl. I mean that whole bit with the leather paddles and the grapefruit… I’m still in a daze just thinking about that.
Who cares? These guys are has-beens. No wait, that would imply they were good once. Ass clowns suck!
I’m pretty sure I saw their blimp over my house last night. Those fuckers dumped five cases of empty whiskey bottles on my lawn. There were also dozens of empty containers of Astroglide. What pigs.