Wikileaks has revealed in a startling new report that “Blow Chunks Ballet“, the famous drinking anthem by The No Talent Ass Clowns, was used to torture terrorist suspects at Gitmo.

Several confidential reports reference the song, saying that it proved very effective at breaking particularly difficult prisoners. “After hearing ‘Blow Chunks Ballet‘ 200 times, most would tell us anything we wanted to know, even things we didn’t want to know. Strangely, a handful requested to attend one of the band’s concerts,” said one report. “No one in the DOD had seen anything like this. While far more effective than water boarding, many interrogators preferred the hands-on approach of water boarding instead. We don’t know why.”

The band couldn’t be happier. “It’s great,” gushed front man Lars Gunblade. “People puke everywhere when we play that song at concerts so it’s good to know our song owned those dudes in Gitmo too. We may record a whole album just for the government to use down there. We’ll do it if they cough up our price, which is in the eight figures.”

  1. Ada Jones says:

    Why was this kept secret for so long. I smell a conspiracy. And I’m no fan of these Ass Clowns. I hate to even say their name because it makes me feel funny.

  2. JWB says:

    I’ve never heard of this song or this band. Total bullshit.

    • The REAL Hammer says:

      Oh, so just because you never heard of this band, they don’t exist? What kind of moron are you?

      I’ve been going to No Talent Ass Clowns concerts for fifteen years. Did I just imagine them? Did I just imagine getting laid after every single concert? What a fuck-tard you are, JWB!!!

  3. wanker57 says:

    Wait a minute… I had to pay 12 bucks for their goddamned “Behind the Times” CD and those prisoners got to hear it for free? Not fair. Not fair.

  4. The real hammer says:

    Most chicks I know HATE the No Talent Ass Clowns and Blow Chunks Ballet in particular… unless they’re falling down drunk. So, to listen to my favorite band, I have to keep my dates totally wasted at all times. Sounds good, right? Yeah, except that I get thrown up on a lot!

  5. Dick Chaney says:

    As you know, I approve of torture and nothing says torture quite like Blow Chunks Ballet. Now you might try to call me a war criminal … and you’d be right.

  6. Clint from California says:

    This music video made me want to be a filmmaker. Like the director of this video, I also have nothing to say…. but I mean that in a good way.

  7. ass clown fan #1 says:

    Who’s kidding who? Blow Chunks Ballet is one of the great rock songs of all time. And all of you KNOW it is!

  8. Tk423 says:

    I lost my virginity while listening to Blow Chunks Ballet. You can imagine how horrible my life is.

  9. a boy named sue says:

    I just threw up in my mouth just thinking about this song.

  10. No name says:

    Blow Chunks Ballet IS torture. Had a roommate in college who played it endlessly. We killed him one night in a shallow grave and covered him in quick lime. Problem solved.

  11. Jambo says:

    This would explain a lot.