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Buford Picklefeather

Ass Clowns fan Buford Picklefeather (undated photo)

Long-time fan Buford Picklefeather of Perth Amboy, NJ is being held by Kings Nose, NJ police on suspicion of murdering The No Talent Ass Clowns. The unemployed Renaissance Fair juggler was taken into custody last night as he attended the annual Kings Nose Gay Shame Parade in the city’s famous Warehouse District.

The story began in June when lead singer Lars Gunblade vanished. In July, guitarist Vas Defrens went missing. In August, it was bass player Carnage Smith. Finally last week, drummer Joey Van Dundro disappeared. Kings Nose police decided that the disappearances may be linked.

“We don’t have any evidence to hold Buford Picklefeather but that’s never stopped us before,” said Sheriff Brock Landers. “He’s got real shifty eyes. That’s good enough for me. I trust my police instincts. I’m thinking it’s case closed here.”

Ass Clowns fans have been up in arms over the arrest. “This is nuts,” said fan Sapphire. “Lots of people want to kill this band. In fact, I tried to poison their Jack Daniels at a show in Brisbane, Australia last year. How come I’m not in jail?”