Comments Off on Carnage Smith Vanishes; “WTF!” say Fans

Ass Clowns Missing

Ass Clowns Bass Player Carnage Smith has gone missing, which means there is only one member of The No Talent Ass Clowns accounted for. Late Thursday night, Smith visited Madame Ovary’s Pleasure Palace, a seedy massage parlor in the famous warehouse district of Kings Nose, NJ. He apparently paid for his appointment and left. When he didn’t show up to purchase drugs at a crack house several blocks away, friends became concerned.

Drummer Joey Van Dundro was visibly shaken speaking with reporters this morning. “This is bullshit!” shouted the drummer. “Carnage Smith and the other two deserve to die but I don’t. This isn’t fair. Seriously, I would like to meet with the killers and try to find another solution here!”

Fans reacted to the news with concern. “I don’t listen to them anymore but this is unsettling,” said longtime fan Buford Picklefeather of Perth Amboy, NJ, who asked that his name not be used. “I’m guessing they’re dead but this band is hard to kill. I tried to pick them off with a high-power rifle once but I just wound up blowing away a car of Ass Clowns impersonators serving as decoys. I was pissed.”

“We don’t have a clue as to the whereabouts of Carnage Smith,” said Police Deputy Leon Klinghoffer. “I do expect Mr. Smith to turn up soon… hopefully not in my next hamburger.”