Lars Gunblade

Lars Gunblade

No Talent Ass Clowns singer Lars Gunblade is in hot water with fans after stating at a press conference that the band’s fans are “nothing more than developmentally challenged cretins.”

Flanked by two naked groupies, Gunblade was discussing the band’s tour when he went off on his fans. “Really, come on. They’re stupid. No offense or anything but they really are nothing more than developmentally challenged cretins. You know, the kind of people you do telethons for. But don’t take that the wrong way.”

Response was immediate and surprising. Ticket sales increased 25% and CD sales jumped 34%. However, this didn’t surprise Gunblade. “Me and my fans understand each other,” said Gunblade after the press conference. “They know I’m going to treat them like garbage and they love it. Who wouldn’t?”

  1. An ex-fan says:

    I’ve been to No Talent Ass Clowns concerts and trust me, Lars is right. NTAC fans are the worst pigs in the world.

    • Real Ass Clowns Fan says:

      I’m a big No Talent Ass Clowns. You talk tough, ex-ass clown fan. Tell you what, how about you say that shit to my face about the band and see whether you still have all your teeth 30 seconds later.

      • An ex-fan says:

        Anytime, anywhere, Mr. Real Ass Clown Fan.

        I’m going to shove every one of this band’s crappy CDs down your throat until you beg for the mercy that will never come. Check on your life insurance and say goodbye to your loved ones, if you even have any.

        • Real Ass Clowns Fan says:

          Dear Ex-Fan,

          Meet me at 3:30, Freehold Exit off the NJ Turnpike. Meet me there so that I can tear off your head and shit in your neck.

          • An ex-fan says:

            What a gas! Turns out me and Real Ass Clowns Fan met for the fight but realized right away that we really clicked on a personal level. We both hate pretentious people and we’re both just freaks about “Sex and the City.” We’re getting together later with my wife and who knows, maybe it’s going to be a special night.

  2. Sam Bass says:

    So, Lars hates us fans. Fine. We hate you right back, Lars Gunblade! Burn in hell, you bastard!

  3. ass clown fan girl says:

    Lars Gunblade spat on me at a concert once. I have never washed my face since… and that was 10 years ago. I now have these odd lesions on my face. Is that normal?

  4. Sally Anne McMurphy says:

    Who does this guy think he is? That’s it. I’ll never buy another No Talent Ass Clowns CD again. Except maybe their upcoming greatest hits CD.