If you’ve ever been to a No Talent Ass Clowns concert, you’ve probably seen or heard about “ass clowning” where drunk concertgoers break into cars in the parking lot and defecate on the driver’s seat. It is rumored to have started in 1996 at Consumption Auditorium when Nick Ray Tummo first committed the act.  “I was drunk and my friends all thought it was funny so I figured why not keeping doing it at shows? It gives me a kind of special spiritual connection to the concert.”

Tummo’s actions caught on. In fact, now it’s in the Urban Dictionary. Soon police dreaded the coming of an Ass Clowns concert, knowing inevitably there would be a rash of ass clowning incidents. “This is pretty sick,” said Police Chief John O’Hara. “Why would anyone do something like this? They should be beaten and tortured. From now on, I have ordered my police officers to shoot to kill if they spot anyone ass clowning at a rock concert.”

“Some a-hole ass clowned my car last year,” said Megan, 17, from New Jersey. “It was gross but I sold the car on eBay as a concert souvenir. Got pretty good money for it too! I hope someone ass clowns my car again!”

What does the band think? “I think it’s great!” says front man Lars Gunblade. “Ass clowning says a lot about our fans and it’s all good.”

  1. Walter S. says:

    I ass clowned my ex-wife’s car. It was wonderful.

  2. Bert I. Gordon says:

    I did this to my neighbor’s car over the weekend and it was fantastic. I had been eating garlic for three days straight and this guy received some of the longest, steamiest turds I have ever produced. I have nothing against him but I figured this would be good for a laugh. He saw it and barfed all over the hood of his car. Classic. i plan to ass clown his car every weekend from now on.

  3. It Was A Joke says:

    Gross! I can’t believe anyone would actually do this!!!

    • Pillar of the Community says:

      Dear Sheltered Teen Girl,

      Tell me where your car is parked and I’ll show you how anxious I am to ass clown it. Come on. It’ll be fun.

  4. unable to ass clown says:

    Ass clowning is now a term on Urban Dictionary. Can you believe it? I was one of the first people to ever do this at a concert. Unfortunately, I can’t anymore because I have a colostomy bag.

  5. Dr. Joe, PhD says:

    Young people today need a creative outlet for frustration. In my professional opinion, ass clowning is a very good outlet to express anxiety. I recommend it to all young people everywhere.

    • Wanker249 says:

      Fine, Dr. Joe, then YOU can pay to have the shit cleaned off of my upholstery. Do you have any idea how disgusting it is to find a steaming pile of shit on the seat of your car? Or driving home, knowing you’ve ruined whatever pair of pants you’re wearing and gagging on the smell? What kind of doctor are you?????????????

      • reaper21 says:

        your the kind of dounche that gets in teh way of having fun. so whaat if he took a dump in you’re car? you just don’t wabt anyone having a goood timu.

      • Maria says:

        Hi CandeeI’m not sure if you’re thinking that I’m [deleted by site administrator. Hello? Write about this band or go somewhere else.]

  6. Uptight in SC says:

    This is sickening. How could anyone do this? You are all headed straight to hell.

  7. mhunt says:

    Ass clowning? Never heard of it before now. Sounds like BS to me. And I’ve never heard of this band either.

    • T-Bone says:

      What? Do you live in a cave or something? The No Talent Ass Clowns are brilliant. And ass clowning is a great way to have fun. I’ve done it, my mother has done it even my son has done it.

  8. Father Mackenzie says:

    I had never thought of doing this to another person before. I think I’ll try it. Please contact me offline and I’ll just stop by your house after a Denny’s Big Breakfast.

    • ChunkBlower257 says:

      Father MacKenzie just left after ass clowning my BMW. There’s a steaming pile in my driver’s seat. Whoa, the stank is terrible! I obviously can’t use my car anymore so I’ll sell it on eBay. Just look up “Ass Clowned Car.” Happy bidding.

      • bidder151 says:

        I purchased your BMW. Wow, that quite a lot on the driver’s seat. I’m having it encased in acrylic so that it doesn’t rot. My girlfriend left me because she wouldn’t sit in the car when I got it. I told her she was uptight.

  9. slayer752 says:

    No Talent Ass Clowns fans are the worst. I’ll never go to one of their concerts again.

  10. Buford Picklefeather says:

    The first time I tried this, the cops catch me and beat me to a pulp. It didn’t stop me and now I “ass clown” at every concert. In fact, I do it all the time when I’m out and about. I can’t even remember the last time I used a public restroom.

    • T-Bone says:

      You must be the asshole who broke my window and crapped in my car the last time I was at Consumption Auditorium. You’re on notice, dick weed, shit in my car again and you’re gonna be shitting all of your teeth the next day.

  11. wad1908 says:

    Sounds horrible but I might try it next time I go to a concert.