Rock The Vote 2016 may look a little different this year…

Everyone is talking about the 2016 Presidential Election. Who is going to win? Trump? Clinton? Megaband The No Talent Ass Clowns has other ideas. Their contribution to Rock The Vote 2016 is totally out of left field: give the U.S. back to England. It may be just the thing to compensate for England pulling out of the EU.

Rock The Vote 2016: Vote Down Independence

“Hey, man, look at the choices,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “Donald Trump is a small-fingered vulgarian millionaire pretending to be a billionaire. Dude’s got a string of bankruptcies, zero experience in government and he hates anyone who ain’t Donald Trump. Hillary Clinton has all the warmth and humanity of a marble slab that’s been kept in a freezer. Why vote for Trump? Why vote for Clinton? I say don’t. It’s time to give the United States back to England. Yeah, that’s right, England! Let’s be British colonies again like before the American Revolution.”

“Come to think of it,” said guitarist Vas Defrens, “the American Revolution was a mistake. We actually had it pretty good as colonies of England back in the day. I’m thinking that we could really dig having everything done for us again. No president, no congress, no elections… it would be beautiful. Plus, our national debt would be their problem. Plus, we give them a shit ton of natural resources. Then they can tell the EU to shove it. What’s not to like?”

“I Ain’t Bowing to the Queen”

“I’ll tell you what though,” exclaimed Gunblade. “I ain’t bowing to the Queen. It ain’t happenin’. Although come to think of it, I wouldn’t mind being knight or lord or whatever. Lord Lars Gunblade… yeah, I like that. And chicks would totally dig it.”

“We’re thinking Kate Middleton will be Queen one day and we’re way into that. I mean, damn, she’s pretty hot,” says Defrens. “She could summon us to her court for some official function and then we’d party afterwards. Lars and I are betting she’s like insatiable behind closed doors. We’re talkin’ a real QUILF here. But we don’t mean that disrespectfully.”

As part of Rock The Vote 2016, Gunblade and Defrens are actively promoting the idea of giving America back to Great Britain at their performances. Unfortunately, since they won’t let anyone attend their concerts, this has had only limited effectiveness.


  1. Ben Tarleton says:

    This seems like a better idea than electing Clinton or Trump. I’m all for it.

  2. Snidley W. says:

    Seems like a good idea to me.

  3. Roger Bartlett says:

    Those dumb British fucks were stupid enough to leave the EU. And we’re supposed to give America to them? Listen, an idiot with a cool accent is still an idiot. Enough said.

  4. George Fettyplace says:

    These guys must be higher than a kite. That’s a terrible idea. Seriously terrible idea!

  5. Random Task says:

    I’ve NEVER heard of this band. Ever. Why should I care what they think? They look like total a-holes.

  6. T-Bone says:

    I like how Lars mentions Queen Kate Middleton. Sounds good to me. I’d like to be her royal subject… all night long.

  7. Nick R. says:

    England is going down the toilet after that vote on the EU. No thanks.

  8. Paul R. says:

    I suppose this WOULD be an excellent idea… if you were stoned out of your mind. This band should just stick to playing music.

  9. Mr. X says:

    I’ve been a political pundit for over 30 years and I can tell you that this is the best idea I’ve heard in a long, long time. Sorry I can’t reveal my real identity. If I did, I would probably lose my job pretty quickly.

    • Not Lew Flapp says:

      Sounds good to me. I’m serious.

    • George says:

      I’ve also been a political pundit for many years and this suggestion actually would benefit the US and England. The idea may have come from two obviously drugged-out musicians but it’s still a good idea to give the United States back to England.