Mega band The No Talent Ass Clowns have repeated their demand that all female concertgoers to be topless. “Doing concerts over and over gets boring,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “Seeing half-naked chicks during the concerts is definitely a morale boaster for me. That sea of ta-tas makes me glad to be a musician because, as I said during the interview, not much makes me happy to be a musician. So this almost makes it worth it. All I can say is that I’m glad the concert venues are so cold. That improves the visual a whole lot.”


  1. Josiah Crabtree says:

    I find this band and this website to be absolutely disgusting. Nothing is going to save any of you on the day of salvation. Christ once said that the Kingdom of Heaven is within you. Sadly, the only thing within you people are piles of steaming excrement. You make me sick.

  2. The Balloonatic says:

    I would like to go to a concert where all the chicks are topless. I’m not familiar with this Ass Clowns band. They seem amazingly stupid but I think they have the right idea here.

  3. Tawny Lynn Anders says:

    I went topless and bottomless at an Ass Clowns concert three months ago. Now I’m pregnant and the father was some guy sitting directly behind me. Guess I should have stuck with just going topless instead. The kid’s name is going to be Lars unless it’s a boy.

    • Tony the Pony says:

      Yo, that sounds like me. I remember us grinding in time to “Blows Chunks Ballet” and right when Lars sang his last note is when I blasted off. Sorry about the kid. I’m in a correctional facility in Mount Holly, NJ so there ain’t much I can do for you. I think my life sentence might get reduced but I’m not counting on it. For what it’s worth, that was one of the 50 best anonymous sex encounters that I’ve ever had.

      • Tawny Lynn Anders says:

        Well, my husband is divorcing me and my boyfriend is real pissed. When he heard I was preggers, he ran around the trailer park naked and took an axe to my pick up. Sometimes he comes to the club where I dance and threatens me but this cop I’m sleeping with now beat the shit out of him last night. He may not even survive. He’s still in the ICU. It’s been a strange year for me.

        • Tony The Pony says:

          Yeah, OK, whatever.

          • Tawny Lynn Anders says:

            The problem is my cop boyfriend seems to know that I slept with his sergeant and a bunch of patrolmen at a party last week. He said he was going f*ck me up real bad and no one would ever know about it. I told him about you and he got super mad. I’ve like to come and visit you at the prison and we could talk about it.

            • Tony the Pony says:

              Yeah, that’s not going to work. They just told me that I can’t have any visitors and I can’t be on the internet anymore. So this is my last message and won’t be able to talk to you ever again. See you.

              • Tawny Lynn Anders says:


                It’s all OK. You didn’t have to worry about me being pregnant anymore. Some guy who steals diamonds for a living wants to buy him when he’s born. I got the 75K upfront so it’s a done deal. Not bad. The money’s so good that I might go into selling babies for a living. Anyway, you’re totally off the hook.

  4. Samantha R. says:

    I was at an Ass Clowns concert recently and, yeah, all the girls were topless. Turns out it’s not as great as it sounds. Turns out that every though a girl is topless, you can’t automatically reach over and start fondling their breasts. A lot of girls seem to dislike having a stranger tweak their nipples. That make it a bit less interesting in my book.