The No Talent Ass Clowns
In a startling statement, legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns told reporters this morning that controversial rocker Ted Nugent is gay.
“Oh, hell, yes!” said the band in a group statement during a press conference promoting their ass clown clothing line. “We’re talking gay, really massively gay. Most guys only wish they were as gay. You should see Ted backstage. He’s like the gayest dude you ever saw in your life.”
The band made the surprising allegation based on Nugent’s behavior backstage when he opened for The No Talent Ass Clowns at Consumption Auditorium in 2008. “He started acting really gay,” said band members. “It was actually annoying how gay he was. The fact that he was so gay really pissed us off.”
Reporters were further surprised by the band’s closing statement. “Look, we’ve been pretty gay on some tours. Unfortunately, on the last two tours, we haven’t been gay at all.”
“Look, you have to remember something,” said Ass Clowns manager Jerry Gold after the press conference concluded. “The guys in this band are so whacked out on designer drugs that they’re in an alternate reality. They’re still using the old definition of gay. You know, happy! They’re just sayin’ Nugent is a happy son of a bitch. Sorry if it’s comin’ across as somethin’ else.”
Nugent refused to comment on The Ass Clowns’ comments.