The No Talent Ass Clowns

The No Talent Ass Clowns

In a startling statement, legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns told reporters this morning that controversial rocker Ted Nugent is gay.

“Oh, hell, yes!” said the band in a group statement during a press conference promoting their ass clown clothing line. “We’re talking gay, really massively gay. Most guys only wish they were as gay. You should see Ted backstage. He’s like the gayest dude you ever saw in your life.”

The band made the surprising allegation based on Nugent’s behavior backstage when he opened for The No Talent Ass Clowns at Consumption Auditorium in 2008. “He started acting really gay,” said band members. “It was actually annoying how gay he was. The fact that he was so gay really pissed us off.”

Reporters were further surprised by the band’s closing statement. “Look, we’ve been pretty gay on some tours. Unfortunately, on the last two tours, we haven’t been gay at all.”

“Look, you have to remember something,” said Ass Clowns manager Jerry Gold after the press conference concluded. “The guys in this band are so whacked out on designer drugs that they’re in an alternate reality. They’re still using the old definition of gay. You know, happy! They’re just sayin’ Nugent is a happy son of a bitch. Sorry if it’s comin’ across as somethin’ else.”

Nugent refused to comment on The Ass Clowns’ comments.

COMMENT

  1. Mongo says:

    I’m straight and I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about gays. I really don’t. You have to wonder why some straight dude is so concerned about gays. He doth protest too much. Afraid of his own inner gayness, I’ll bet. Self-loathing. Compensate by acting super macho. Textbook case really. I have no doubt that Ted Nugent is gay. He may or may not act on it but he probably is. And if he is, I really don’t give a shit.

  2. Joe Bunky from MD says:

    Hey, wait a minute. This blog has been updated and radically altered. At first, it said Ted Nugent is gay in very clear terms. Now it’s got this bullshit narrative from their manager. Something smells… and it’s not just me.

    • Tube says:

      Joe,

      You are so right. I remember reading the original version. I know the government will be after me now, knowing I read it. I have barricaded my home and I’m ready to defend it against the men in black helicoptors. I just wish I had never read the original version of this blog. I mean, come on…Ted Nugent is gay… who cares really?

  3. Clueless in Cleveland says:

    Why hasn’t this been reported anywhere else? I find that odd.

    • dragon slayer 972 says:

      Your not too smart, are you?

      • Tagg says:

        It’s all a cover up, man. Nugent must have some high placed butt boys in the media protecting her. Nugent be a joke. Never liked her music.

  4. Walter S. says:

    Ted Nugent is gay… I don’t think so. You can’t crap your pants and live in it for a month and get humans to sleep with you. It’s just not likely.

    • Donny says:

      Hello? Did you read the blog post? Ted Nugent is not gay, just happy. Christ, do I have to feed you too or can you do that on your own?

  5. T-Bone says:

    Sounds about right.

    • Buford Picklefeather says:

      No, sounds about wrong! Ted Nugent is gay… no way. Other than that gay loincloth thing, no.

  6. Aging TV Viewer says:

    I’m an ignorant Fox News watcher who believes everything Roger Ailes wants me to believe and I want to view this story as an outrage. However, Fox News has not given me my opinion of this story so I can’t comment as of yet.

  7. Lipton Village says:

    More swearing of a true patriot. It’s a good thing I like The Ass Clowns. Otherwise, I would be peeved.

    • Avenger19052 says:

      That does it, man! I used to sort of like The No Talent Ass Clowns. Now, I hate them. The next time they come to Consumption Auditorium could well be their last… if you know what I mean.

  8. The People's Poet says:

    Now tell me something I DON’T know. Yawn.

    • John Thomas says:

      Ted Nugent is gay? I would have never figured. That whole loincloth thing? Nope. I just don’t see it. Although I’m pretty sure I can see it in that loincloth.

  9. JK47 says:

    Me, I’d go by the current definition of gay. If the shoe fits… am I right or what?