Lars Gunblade

Lars Gunblade: shortly before beating the photographer who snapped this picture

No Talent Ass Clowns singer Lars Gunblade was arrested in Kings Nose NJ early this morning after kicking a photographer in the groin nearly 60 times. “I’m not ashamed of what I did. I’d do again. This is my hobby! Don’t you get it?” shouted Gunblade as police took him into the police station and a crowd of groupies and admirers looked on.

The incident began when photographer Chico O’Brian accosted the singer at a strip club. Gunblade demanded that O’Brian stop taking pictures and the two argued. Within minutes, the photographer was on the ground writhing in pain as the singer repeatedly kicked him in the groin.

“Hey, Lars has a temper. That’s not exactly news,” said Ass Clowns guitarist Vas Defrens. “Why do you think nobody in the band wants to talk to him in the studio? He’s kind of scary. That and he smells bad.”

“I’ll never have kids now,” said O’Brian as doctors iced down his crotch. “I used to be a fan. A couple of years ago, he did a signing at the music store where I worked. I thought he was awesome although come to think of it, he kicked me in the balls that day as well.”


  1. Mikey says:

    Lars can kick me in the balls any day!

    • Randall M. says:

      I’m with you, bro. Lars can smash his biker boots into my gonads anytime. Oh, the exquisite pain and labored breathing. Takes me back to ‘Nam, well, Laos actually, when me and some other leathernecks beat the shit out of some Laotian guards. I still have their teeth somewhere in the attic next to all the stuffed coyotes.

      • Cap H 252 says:

        Dear Randall,

        Did anyone ever tell you that you’re insane? Because you are. You are the most insane person that I’ve ever encountered on the internet, which should tell you something. You should be locked up or lynched or something.

        BTW, would you sell me one of your stuffed coyotes? I’d really like to have one. Thanks.