Singer Lars Gunblade of rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns says he may run for president in 2012.
“Yeah, I might do it,” said the infamous Gunblade after one of the band’s recent concerts at Consumption Auditorium. “We always hear that politicians get lots of girls so naturally, I am interested in checking out how true this is.”
What kind of political stances does the controversial rocker have? “I’m thinking pot should remain against the law but, come on, heroin and cocaine should be totally legal. Also, I think the Federal government should like totally subsidize the music industry so that CDs would cost nothing to buy. That would be cool. Also, why is prostitution illegal? Make it legal, hell, make it mandatory. Those would be my big priorities in the Oval Office. And world domination, I suppose. I’d start a task force for that right away.”
Gunblade views Canada as an early target for takeover. “We have to annex Canada. Those Cannucks know we’re comin’ for them. It’s nothing personal. It’s just that they have tons of natural resources and shit.”
Some of his viewpoints, however, may be out of step with America. “If made president, I’d want to be declared King and keep the office until I die. I think monarchies are cool because you can do whatever you want. If people oppose you, all you gotta do is say, ‘Off with his head!’ How awesome is that?”
Gunblade says he’d run as an independent. “I don’t trust political parties. Parties take the focus away from me. I can’t deal with that. I represent the Gunblade Party, man! A vote for me is a vote for kick-ass rock and roll!”
The rocker says “stay tuned” for his final decision about whether he runs. “It’s gonna be a spur of the moment kind of thing. And I’ll probably be totally wasted at the time.”