Lars Gunblade for President 2012Singer Lars Gunblade of rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns says he may run for president in 2012.

“Yeah, I might do it,” said the infamous Gunblade after one of the band’s recent concerts at Consumption Auditorium. “We always hear that politicians get lots of girls so naturally, I am interested in checking out how true this is.”

What kind of political stances does the controversial rocker have? “I’m thinking pot should remain against the law but, come on, heroin and cocaine should be totally legal. Also, I think the Federal government should like totally subsidize the music industry so that CDs would cost nothing to buy. That would be cool. Also, why is prostitution illegal? Make it legal, hell, make it mandatory. Those would be my big priorities in the Oval Office. And world domination, I suppose. I’d start a task force for that right away.”

Gunblade views Canada as an early target for takeover. “We have to annex Canada. Those Cannucks know we’re comin’ for them. It’s nothing personal. It’s just that they have tons of natural resources and shit.”

Some of his viewpoints, however, may be out of step with America. “If made president, I’d want to be declared King and keep the office until I die. I think monarchies are cool because you can do whatever you want. If people oppose you, all you gotta do is say, ‘Off with his head!’ How awesome is that?”

Gunblade says he’d run as an independent. “I don’t trust political parties. Parties take the focus away from me. I can’t deal with that. I represent the Gunblade Party, man! A vote for me is a vote for kick-ass rock and roll!”

The rocker says “stay tuned” for his final decision about whether he runs. “It’s gonna be a spur of the moment kind of thing. And I’ll probably be totally wasted at the time.”

  1. Terry O'Terry, Tarrytown says:

    I did a write-in for Lars this morning. He’s the candidate I have the most confidence in.

  2. Lonesome Rhodes says:

    This is stupid and everyone commenting here is stupid. By posting this message, I’m stupid too. If you think that’s stupid than you’re stupid.

  3. Cal Trask, Salinas CA says:

    Lars Gunblade for President? You’ve got to be kidding. He’s going to be in a dead heat for 50th place.

  4. Doug F. says:

    I’m all for annexing Canada. We all knew this day was coming sooner or later. At least Gunblade has the guts to talk about it.

    • Rusty James says:

      Lars has changed, man. It used to be about the music. Now it’s about annexing Canada.

  5. name withheld says:

    This is why America is headed into the toilet… not that that’s a bad thing.

  6. Brig. General Tony Smith (Mrs.) says:

    I wish to object in the strongest possible manner to this ridiculous farce. American politics are a serious subject that should be treated seriously in a serious manner.

  7. nancy s. says:

    Somebody told me that Michele Bachmann was a Lars Gunblade groupie in the mid-1990s. Don’t know if that’s true but it’s what I heard. Maybe this is where Lars developed his interest in politics.

  8. Vinnie from Queens says:

    Never heard of this Lars Gunblade douche bag before. Still, I’d vote for him.

  9. Fergus McCracken, NB says:

    Canada has had it too good for too long. Gunblade is the only politician with the guts to actually talk about taking over Canada. As a Canadian citizen, I endorse his plan 100%.

  10. Mrs. Kravits says:

    Lars Gunblade for president in 2012 sounds good to me. I would like to donate my life savings to his campaign but he doesn’t seem to have anything set up for donations. He better get going on that!

  11. R. Ailes says:

    At first, I thought his views were pretty out there. But when he started talking about world domination, that’s when I knew this was a candidate I could support.

  12. BC Johnson says:

    This is all well and good but where does he stand on tariffs?

  13. S. P. says:

    Makes as much sense as any other candidacy out there.

    Lars, if that is your real name, I say go for it!

  14. D. Frum says:

    A Lars Gunblade presidency makes sense to me. Of course, who would be on his ticket for VP?

  15. Mike Hunt says:

    Sensible policies for a stronger America.

    • D. Rice says:

      Are you insane? This is the craziest crap I’ve ever heard. How could anyone see this person as a serious political contender?

  16. Himmler says:

    He represents my views. I’d vote for him.