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What happens when a rock band sells its soul to the devil but fails to be impressed with Lucifer?

Rockers Lars Gunblade and Vas Defrens of The No Talent Ass Clowns recently revealed that they made a deal with the devil to make it as a band. Yet the meeting with Lucifer wasn’t what they thought it would be.

“I’m disappointed,” says Lars Gunblade. “Satan completely failed to make an impression on me. He wasn’t intimidating. He wasn’t scary. I did find him vaguely annoying but that’s about it. I mean, first of all, he was still bitter about being cast out of heaven. Now you’d think after all this time that he would have come to grips with that.  Yeah, think again! Vas and I had to sit there as he rehashed all of this shit from like forever ago. He was amazingly insecure. I could tell he was fishing for compliments from us but we weren’t playing along. I think that pissed him off a lot.”

“Satan and I hit it off a little more than Lars did,” says Vas Defrens. “I mean, Satan was totally into analog recording and he really likes its warmth. I’m sure that when a rock band sells its soul to the devil, there are going to be consequences. I can live with that because Lucifer is kind of cool actually.”

“The paper work was a joke,” says Gunblade. “Our attorney assures us that the wording is vague and won’t hold up in any court. Sounds good to me. I figure it’s the ultimate joke when we check out and we don’t honor the contract. When you can screw over the devil, now that’s anarchy, bitch!”

“I was a little nervous about all of this,” says Ass Clowns Manager Jerry Gold. “When a rock band sells its soul to the devil, that can look really bad in the press. People can easily get the wrong idea. As it is, I’m still handling fallout from those people that Lars killed when he tased them. Perhaps it would be best if you didn’t print this.”

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