The No Talent Ass ClownsA virulent strain of social disease has been named after legendary band The No Talent Ass Clowns. Named “Assclownus-burning-urineus,” the disease is unique to Ass Clown band members and their legions of groupies.

“It’s a persistent disease,” said Dr. Winston O’Boogie. “Some members of the band, I won’t say who, have horribly disfigured genitalia due to Assclownus-burning-urineus. If I got this disease, I think I’d probably blow my brains out rather than suffer through its multiple mutilating effects.”

“This is friggin’ awesome news!” exclaimed front man Lars Gunblade aboard the band’s tour blimp. “It’s good to know all of that burning when we pee and going to the hospital could turn into something incredible like this. We’ve always wanted to give back to the community and fortunately, this disease will be around long after we all wind up overdosing in some cheap hotel when our careers are over.”

“I’ve had Assclownus-burning-urineus a dozen times,” said a groupie named Bambi. “It’s painful and I’m barren, of course. But, you know what? It was worth it. The band has always paid my medical bills. The Ass Clowns are just totally awesome guys!”


  1. Arthur Radley says:

    I’ve always been hesitant to use the bathrooms at No Talent Ass Clowns concerts. Now I know why.

  2. Walter I. says:

    My girlfriend banged the Ass Clowns after a concert last year. Then, three months later, my dick splits in half and a river of green pus comes out. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

    • Vinnie from Queens says:

      Dude, you should be in hospital or something. That sounds pretty bad.

      • Wallter I. says:

        Thanks for the concern. I’m fine. I poured sulfuric acid on my genitals and that pretty much took care of it. It stung a little bit right after I poured it on my equipment but after six or seven months, it was OK. It’s terribly mutilated but OK. I now use it to scare people at Halloween. I drop my parachute pants at the local haunted house and people feint right away. Hilarious.

        • T-Bone says:

          Are you available for parties?

          • Vincent Van says:

            Social disease is no laughing matter. But in this case, I’ll make an exception. I laughed my ass off reading this thread. Dude, send me a photo of your junk offline. I’m a sculptor and I’d like to do a statute of your messed-up ‘nads for an art exhibit this summer.

  3. Candi says:

    Let’s stop beating around the bush, shall we? The band member with the horribly mutilated junk is obviously Carnage Smith. There are all kinds of stories on the net about he’s basically got nothing left down there. Chuck Negron of Three Dog Night was famous for this but Carnage has him beat by a mile.

  4. Handy Random says:

    This is great news. It’s good to see this band getting the attention they deserve.

  5. T-Bone says:

    You gotta admit, this band keeps it real.