Lars Gunblade

Lars Gunblade

For a limited time, No Talent Ass Clowns fans can get a special limited edition poster of rock legend, Lars Gunblade.

Printed on special recycled smoking papers, the poster shows the legendary rocker in his favorite setting, the disreputable Consumption Auditorium “dressing room” in Kings Nose, NJ. Fans worldwide are appalled that the poster sells for $5,000. “It’s a bargain,” said Lars Gunblade. “After all, it’s me and you know you want it. Hell, even I get turned on just looking at it.”

“I don’t know if I can afford this Lars Gunblade poster,” said avid fan Buford Picklefeather of Perth Amboy, NJ. “I could turn some tricks again. I suppose that would give me enough cash. It just bugs me that I have to do that. My wife will be pissed.”

According to Ass Clowns’ manager, Jerry Gold, the poster is only available to attractive female groupies with large breasts who get invited backstage. “Hey, look, we can’t just let anyone have this poster.”

COMMENT ON THIS BLOG UNLESS YOU’RE DUMB

  1. Darrin says:

    I’m tired of this website with its cock-sure attitude. Oh, aren’t we cool? Isn’t the band so naughty? Aren’t they such a bunch of male whores? And the people who comment. Aren’t they clever? Aren’t they oh so cool? Yeah, I knew you guys in high school. Sure. I can still hear your voices in my ears… “Hey, Darrin, why are you in band? Darrin, why are you kissing the janitor? Darrin, what were you doing under that guy’s desk? Darrin, did you kill the quarterback? Darrin, why do you have all those guns in your locker?… thank god those days are over.

    Anyway, screw this site and everybody who reads it. And that includes me.

    • name withheld says:

      The closeted gay musician serial killers of the world finally have a patron saint.

  2. Buford Picklefeather says:

    Here we go AGAIN!. I did not give permission for my quote to be used in this blog. I’m tired of you guys quoting me all the time. Please stop. BTW, I still have to raise another $2,000 for the Lars poster. Contact me offline for times and prices. No water sports please.

    • Site Moderator says:

      Buford,

      Bitch, bitch, bitch. You handed our lawyers a roll of toilet paper with your signature on it saying we could attribute any quote to you that we wanted. In fact, you had the entire toilet paper roll notarized. Stop your whining.

      • Leonard W. Loomus says:

        Whoa, Buford, you got owned by the school teacher. BTW, hey Site Moderator why don’t you just suck [comment deleted by site moderator]. Then when you’re done that, let me [comment deleted by site moderator]. Then, we can [comment deleted by site moderator]. Sound good?

  3. Spaz says:

    I sprayed half of the graffiti that you see on that wall. Consumption Auditorium is a hell hole. Spread the word. RON PAUL 2012.

  4. T-Bone says:

    I was at Consumption Auditorium once. My date fell through the floorboards and she was cut in two and eaten by some street crazies who live in the basement there. Great concert though!

    • Meat Pants says:

      Been there, done that. People go missing there after every concert. It’s best to go there with people you don’t like.

      • Dan Baxter says:

        I’ve complained to the Kings Nose police department about Consumption Auditorium but they laughed me off. Since then, cops have been following me everywhere, watching my every move. They’re watching me right now. They probably want to steal the Lars Gunblade poster that I just got. That’s OK, though. I’ve barricaded the door. They’re not getting in without a fight. They probably won’t even make it past the defenses I have set up on the front lawn.

        • Dan Baxter says:

          Someone claiming to sell magazines knocked at the door and I put ten shots through it. Heard what sounded like a thud and nothing since. Can see what appear to be SWAT teams across the street. I’ll check back in later.

          • Dan Baxter says:

            Damn, these police stand-offs get really boring. The cops keep calling me and offering terms of surrender. But I know what they really want… my Lars Gunblade poster. And they’re not getting it.

            • Dan Baxter says:

              Bastards cut the power. Cold as hell now. Exchanged gunfire a couple of hours ago. Took one in the shoulder and three in the arm. Feeling faint. Have set fire to Lars Gunblade limited edition poster rather than let cops get ahold of it. House appears to be on fire. More gunfire. Later.

              • Officer "Tony" says:

                We just took out this nut job with a head shot and I noticed he had been posting stuff here. You’ll be glad to know that I have his Lars Gunblade poster now. Very cool! Couple of bloodstains on it but what are you gonna do?

                • Mr. Deltoid says:

                  this just goes to show you how dangerous this band is. they are a supreme bit of nastiness, yes? absolutely. this lars gunblade poster is yet another example of why the ass clowns should be deported. and cut off their meat and two veg as well. that would serve ’em right, yes?

  5. Zee James says:

    If this was on my wall, it would give me nightmares.

  6. j47 says:

    Great poster. This is going on the ceiling in my bedroom as soon as I get it.