Pinch the Loaf - CDIt’s been quite awhile since we’ve seen a new No Talent Ass Clowns CD. The arrival of “Pinch the Loaf” on Tuesday puts the legendary band back on the charts. Although back on the charts will be difficult since Amazon has banned their CDs and numerous retail outlets won’t carry their music either.

“Yeah, it’s bullshit,” says singer Lars Gunblade. “We’re the greatest band ever but all of these pricks won’t carry the CDs. All we asked for was 100% of the sales. They should feel honored just having our music in their stores. Yet, they want to make a profit by exploiting us? They want to make money off of our sweat and our labor? I don’t think so.”

“The song ‘Pinch the Loaf‘ is one of the best things we’ve written in a long time,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “They tell you to write about what you know and I know about pinching a loaf so it made total sense to write a song about it. My wife [porn star Trixie Beaumont] helped me write some of the lyrics but she’s not getting credit because that means I’d have to pay her and I’m not going to do that. No way.”

Their band manager, Jerry Gold, produced the album and has said it’s a masterpiece. “It’s a masterpiece,” said Jerry Gold. “The Beatles had their Sergeant Pepper and I think the No Talent Ass Clowns now have ‘Pinch the Loaf.’ The sonic landscapes of this album are amazing. You’ve got it all here: guitar distortion… gastric accidents… shouting. The band’s entire career has been leading up to this moment and this CD. ‘Pinch the Loaf’ is kind of an allegory for what happens in your life. Sometimes, you have to let things go. That’s the theme of the album, although it’s mostly about literally pinching a loaf. This is Lars and Vas we’re talking about. They’re not exactly big thinkers.”


  1. Father MacKenzie says:

    A friend gave me the CD for my birthday yesterday. I was shocked to say the least. Inside the digi-pak was a booklet with extremely explicit photos of Vas Defrens having sex with his wife Trixie Beaumont (the famous porn star). There were also explicit photos of Lars having sex with Trixie as well. It was well-photographed but I don’t see what that has to do with the music. That being said, I may have to check out some of Trixie’s movies because she’s very talented. Very talented.

    The album is not bad. “Pinch the Loaf” really is a great song, BTW.

    • Susan B. says:

      Trixie’s best movie is Anal Hospital 4. How in hell she ever got a pineapple up there I’ll never know. Even a fist is a bit much for me but when my boyfriend’s uncle has me tied down securely, there’s not much I can do about it.

  2. JK47 says:

    I’m confused. I assumed this band was fake but lately they look more real than a lot of bands I’ve gone to see. This is either brilliant parody or messed up people living vicariously through their personas or both. Either way, well done, whoever you are!

    If you guys are fake, and I pray to God that you are, your more interesting than a lot of real bands out there.

  3. RuffinItSammyStyle says:

    They both look like total morons, although I like the title of the album.

  4. Lord Grade says:

    A stupid CD from a stupid band. But I’m sure I’ll buy it.

  5. Lillian Bilkey says:

    I lost interest in these guys after Pucker Factor but I may give this CD a try. An ex-lover of mine played me a bootleg recording of “Pinch the Loaf” and it was great… well, great by No Talent Ass Clown standards anyway.

  6. Albert E. says:

    Oddly enough, I was reading this blog while pinching a loaf. Wow!

  7. Walter S. says:

    That’s a good name for an album.