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Lars Gunblade arrested

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Legendary front man of The No Talent Ass Clowns, Lars Gunblade, was arrested for urinating on the entrance of the Cleveland landmark recently. “How could these a-holes not nominate The No Talent Ass Clowns? Christ, they nominated Bon Jovi! Those guys suck!” screamed Gunblade as police took him into custody. He was later released into the custody of the Ass Clowns’ manager, Jerry Gold.

“We rock for a living. We ain’t no posers,” said Gunblade when reporters caught up with him later at a strip club. “We could write about cars and girls but we wanted to write about stuff like binge drinking and throwing up ’cause it’s cool. That’s what our classic song, ‘Blow Chunks Ballet‘, is all about. No one else has the guts to do that!”

The fact that The No Talent Ass Clowns have never been nominated is the subject of  critics’ columns. Most feel they don’t deserve to be called a band, much less be nominated to the Rock and Rock Hall of Fame. “Yeah, they gave us ‘Blow Chunks Ballet but they deserve a prison sentence for that, not an award,” says Larry Booth, music critic for the Scranton Gazette.