Rock Wasteland MagazineRock Wasteland‘s January 2013 issue is not going to be one of Lars Gunblade’s favorites. The No Talent Ass Clowns front man is the subject of the feature article and it’s not pretty.

Entitled “Lars Gunblade: Major Rocker… Or Major Dick?,” the article by Chuck Chadwell presents Gunblade as a talentless egomaniac who is guilty in the deaths of half a dozen fans as well as the Ass Clowns’ former Ass Clowns drummer Vulgar Smith. To add insult to injury, Chadwell says that Gunblade had sex with manager Jerry Gold to secure the band’s contract in 1995.

“Evidence has been buried,” writes Chadwell. “Certain that he is above the law like Bob Geldof, Gunblade operates in a fantasy world where murder is just another useful skill set.” Chadwell, a former writer for this website, had a falling out with Gunblade in 2010 and obviously penned this article as revenge.

“It’s bullshit,” said Gunblade at a press conference on Wednesday. “Yeah, some people I’ve tased at concerts have died but I didn’t kill Vulgar. And even if I did, how can anyone prove it? I’m pissed at Rock Wasteland. They’ve always carried water for us and printed fawning articles about the band. Why the change? Did someone forget to send them a check this month or something?”

Gunblade concluded his comments by mentioning manager Jerry Gold. “Look, we’re just good friends, OK?”

COMMENT ON THIS BLOG UNLESS YOU’RE A D-BAG

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  1. Binod says:

    Hello, I’m an asshole spammer. Sorry that I couldn’t even be bothered to leave a semi-relevant comment. Once again, I’m an asshole.

  2. Arnold T. says:

    The article on Lars is incredible. I read it when I was waiting to meet my parole officer and it like totally opened my eyes about Mr. Gunblade. I didn’t know, for example, that Lars once worked as a mop man at a peep show in Chicago. I certainly didn’t know that both of his parents were strippers.

  3. Buttblaster 57 says:

    I like Rock Wasteland magazine but I hate whenever they do Ass Clowns “Special issues” because, sure enough, I have to flip through page after page of photos showing the Ass Clowns on tour, the Ass Clowns having sex with dozens of hot women backstage, the Ass Clowns rehearsing in the studio, the Ass Clowns doing coke off Joey’s drums… it just gets tiresome and predictable after awhile.

    • Sammy G. says:

      I got into a big argument with a dude at my local Barnes & Noble. I kept asking where to find Rock Wasteland and the dickweed at the counter said there’s no such magazine. The insults started to fly and police escorted me out of the store eventually. Unfortunately, I still don’t know where to get Rock Wasteland. Can anyone steer me in the right direction? I’m coming up with nothing.

  4. Joe Switalsky says:

    Mmmmm, urinal cakes.

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  5. GWR says:

    I am intrigued by this story and this website. I don’t like it but I’m intrigued.

  6. Joe Bunky says:

    Ridiculous article!

    I didn’t have the money to buy a copy of this month’s Rock Wasteland so I pick-pocketed a priest in my parish and netted not only the money to buy the issue but also get some Preparation H for my butt which was on fire.

    But I digress. The article about Lars was 100% wrong. He’s a rock bad boy so everyone is just jealous.

  7. Horace J. Paddingsworth says:

    I never heard of Rock Wasteland magazine. Come to think of it, I’ve never heard of this band either. Ah, these young people with their rock and roll music and their hula hops. I must be getting old or something.

  8. Paul Murphy says:

    Rock Wasteland needs new proofers. On the cover, there should be a question mark after “Lars Gunblade: Major Rocker or Major Dick”

    I’m calling to cancel my subscription. Anybody interested in Rock Wasteland back issues going back to 1978?

  9. Dave Ferri says:

    Bow down before Lars Gunblade and worship this God of Rock. Let those who speak against him–like Rock Wasteland–be swallowed by the fires of hell. Lars Gunblade laid his hands on me at a concert once and cured my acne. True story.

  10. Willy O'Keefe says:

    Rock Wasteland magazine has been kissing Lars Gunblade’s ass ever since he was in The Factory-Sealed Fornicators back in the early 1990s. This whole thing was probably cooked up by Lars to get even more publicity for his shitty band.

    • Liam from 'Derry says:

      Yeah, Factory Sealed Fornicators were a great band. Lars was great even back then. I really love that song, “Brown Helmet Bingo.” My girlfriend didn’t know what that meant. I showed her and now that’s the ONLY way she wants it.

  11. Lew Flapp says:

    Rock Wasteland Magazine is heavily funded by a mysterious German millionaire who lives in Munich. That should tell you something right there.

    Don’t believe a word they print.

  12. Trish says:

    Not a surprise.

    Lars and Jerry Gold double-teamed me once after a concert and let’s just say I wasn’t the center of attention.

    • Taffy says:

      Same thing happened to me. I did a strip tease for the both of them and when I took everything off, instead of banging me, they were all over each other. Finally, Lars tells me that I can watch if I want to. I walked out without even bothering to get my clothes. Luckily, the rest of the band did me all night so that sort of made up for it.

      • Tony says:

        These are just the bullshit stories of two skanky whores. Don’t believe them. Lars would never do another dude. Ever.

  13. Meat Pants says:

    Rock Wasteland Magazine stopped being relevant years ago. Don’t believe any of this!!!