Rock Wasteland MagazineIn December’s issue of Rock Wasteland, rock star Lars Gunblade manages to inflate his ego still more with another self-congratulatory interview. Rock Wasteland, a magazine infamous for the number of “Special No Talent Ass Clowns” editions it has put out, has once again literally gotten on its knees and orally pleasured the vainglorious singer for The No Talent Ass Clowns.

Rock journalist Tawny Straker caught up with Gunblade at his estate outside Rutland, Vermont. Tawny was a bit surprised when Gunblade requested that she be naked and oiled for the interview but in the interest of journalism went along with the singer’s request.

As usual, Gunblade was combative for the interview but provided some interesting insights that Ass Clowns fans are sure to find fascinating:

Rock Wasteland: So, why is it you’re so great?

Gunblade: Oh, come on, Tawny, I think after last night, you know exactly why I’m great. I mean, I was, wasn’t I?

Rock Wasteland: Well, last night is probably best forgotten, don’t you think, Mr. Shrinky-Dink? Let me re-phrase the question. Why is it that you’re such a great rock star?

Gunblade: Let’s not undersell this, OK? I’m a total rock legend. Not everybody knows that but I certainly do. Other bands are jealous of course. U2 has always had it in for us. And the Foo Fighters, yeah, everybody knows about my troubles with them.

Rock Wasteland: You once said that Led Zeppelin wouldn’t be fit to open for you. That’s a pretty bold statement.

Gunblade: Yes, that’s true. What I said was technically true. John Bonham’s been dead for 35 years so his drumming would be pretty off. See what I mean? They wouldn’t perform very well as a band.

Rock Wasteland: Some people have said you’re a pathetic sexist who treats women like objects. How do you respond?

Gunblade: Look, I respect every chick I’ve ever banged. I mean, we installed a delivery room on our tour blimp for pregnant groupies. I think that says a lot about this band, don’t you?

Rock Wasteland: It says plenty. One final question: you’ve said you plan to do more touring as a solo act. Why?

Gunblade: Not having to split the proceeds four ways is a big reason. Plus, I don’t like the band. Everybody knows that. This interview is getting boring. Let’s get in the hot tub and talk about me.

Rock Wasteland: Works for me. Hopefully, the third time will be the charm. At least I hope so.

(reprinted with permission from Rock Wasteland magazine)

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  1. Vinnie From Staten Island says:

    I have always found Rock Wasteland to be horribly written and full of ads although I do like the fact that it includes several hard-core pornographic pictorials each month. Other than that, I hate it. I’ve always preferred Rock Gods Monthly.

  2. WB709 says:

    I moved out of the United States because I thought the people there were stupid. This band only confirms that thought. You have got to be kidding me! Who would ever listen to this band ever?

    • Roto Tom Tancred says:

      I’ve been a huge No Talent Ass Clowns fan since 1997. OK, yeah, their music isn’t very high-brow. It’s about asses mostly. But come on, every band has to specialize.

  3. Dwayne MacFarlane says:

    You didn’t include the best part of the interview where Lars starts motor-boating Tawny while she asks him to explain how he writes songs. Classic move, Lars. I motor boat girls all the time, especially in the grocery store. Most of them love it and ask me not to stop.

    • Boris T. says:

      Being foreign type person, I do not know this “motorboating” you speak of. Do American girls like boats so much? I would want to know so I can fornicate many American girls in my sex dungeon I build.

  4. Alice T. says:

    Seeing that picture of Lars Gunblade makes me glad that I’m a lesbian. Although if things ever don’t go well with Amber when she gets back from Afghanistan, I would think about Lars converting me, over and over. And Lars, I never need a safe word.

  5. Dragon Slayer 942 says:

    Why would anyone want to listen to this asshole’s music? He looks like a total moran.

    • Boris T. says:

      I can’t write the english much good but I think The No Talent Ass Clowns are good as fuck, pardoning the french. I see them when they tour and lead singer he spit on me. I take that as sign from God. Thank you muchly.

  6. Barney F. says:

    I let my subscription to Rock Wasteland lapse years ago. It was something to read on the crapper but even that wasn’t enough after awhile. When I heard that the Ass Clowns manager owns 60% of the magazine, I said OK, I’m done. This Ass Clown worship stuff gets old real fast.

    • Staci A. says:

      Your not a real Ass Clowns fan anyway. Don’t comment here anymore because we don’t want you here.

      • Barney F. says:

        I’ll comment here all I want. If you don’t like it, you’re welcome to come to my place tonight and take it every which way. I understand that’s how you like it. It definitely looks that way in your photos.

        • Staci A. says:

          You’re welcome for last night. Maybe sometime we can do it the regular way? Riding the Hershey Highway is absolutely fantastic but I’d like some variety please. Thank you, stud.

  7. Topher Johnson says:

    I tried to pick up a copy of this issue but the gentleman at the book store told me that there’s no such magazine as Rock Wasteland. But he’s foreign so he probably doesn’t know what he’s talking about.