Consumption Auditorium

Occupy Consumption Auditorium protesters have big demands

Discouraged by police brutality, Occupy Wall Street protesters now have set their sights on Consumption Auditorium, the sleazy music venue favored by legendary band The No Talent Ass Clowns. As of this morning, dozens of tents were seen at the building’s entrance. Their mission–to get The No Talent Ass Clowns to lower their ticket prices from $5,000 per head and offer more shows at the venue many city officials have said will likely to be condemned shortly.

“I’m here until change happens,” said protester Buford Picklefeather of Perth Amboy, NJ. “It’s been rough. I’ve never seen so many rats and lice in my life. In my tent this morning, several rats bite me and I feel real bad. I think maybe I have the plague or something. Anyway, it’s time for this elitist band to offer tickets that everyone can buy. Shit, I feel really bad. Can you call me an ambulance?”

The band is amused by the protests. “Lower our ticket prices? Bullshit!” exclaimed front man Lars Gunblade.  “Starting tomorrow, the price goes up to $10,000. Hey protesters… you’re welcome!”

COMMENT ON THIS BLOG–UNLESS YOU’RE A MORON

  1. Handy Random says:

    I went there and there weren’t any protesters at all. This story is bullshit!

  2. annonymous says:

    This blog has really gone downhill. Used to be great but not anymore.

  3. Janine J. says:

    Don’t go to Consumption Auditorium! The protesters stole all of my stuff and raped my doberman. Plus, everyone is sniffing tainted airplane glue despite announcements that it’s bad glue.

  4. Buford Picklefeather says:

    I’m tired of this! I never gave you guys permission to quote me. Stop doing this!!!!