RockWastelandMagazine4Rock Wasteland’s September issue features what may be Lars Gunblade’s final interview. The legendary singer of The No Talent Ass Clowns has been missing since July. The special Ass Clowns issue, selling for $30, contains some interesting comments from the bad boy of rock:

Rock Wasteland: What’s your contribution to music?

Lars Gunblade: Not much if you consider everything to be not much. We are the best band in the world. No one compares to us. Sometimes, even I’m surprised at how great we are.

Rock Wasteland: Rumor has it that you want to fire your long-time manager Jerry Gold.

Lars Gunblade: Well, sometimes you just gotta fire someone. Am I right?

Rock Wasteland: Oh, hells yeah! Lars, some rumors persist that back in 1995 you got it on with Jerry Gold to secure a record contract for the band. Is that true?

Lars Gunblade: Eat me.

Rock Wasteland: Fair enough. Let’s move on. Here’s something I’ve always wanted to know… why are you so great?

Lars Gunblade: That’s an excellent question. I’m amazing in so many ways that it’s hard to really boil it down for you, given your personal and professional limitations. No offense.

Rock Wasteland: No offense taken! I’m curious if you’ll be doing any solo tours soon? I really dug the solo tour you did a couple of years ago. If you tour, what songs will you play? Will you play any Ass Clowns songs? Will you tour with your usual groupies?

Lars Gunblade: Jesus! Questions, questions, questions. If I had known you were going to ask so many questions, I never would have granted this f**king interview.

Rock Wasteland: Sorry about that. Please don’t be angry. Anything I can do to smooth things over?

Lars Gunblade: Yeah. The usual.

Only time will tell if we have more Lars Gunblade interviews to enjoy. In the meantime, this may well be the last word from this legendary rock performer. Enjoy. Like many Ass Clowns fans, we are always annoyed at the way Rock Wasteland fawns over the band. However, if you can stomach the brown-nosing questions, Lars is in top form. He’s seems lucid, which doesn’t always happen.


  1. L7-JJ1 says:

    When I asked for Rock Wasteland magazine at Barnes & Noble, they said there was no such magazine… that it didn’t exist. I keep thinking that Rock Wasteland isn’t real. Why would the band make stuff up like this?

    • Antonio Swartz says:

      My subscription to Rock Wasteland ran out years ago. Never renewed it and I’m a happier person now.

      BTW, death to the Ass Clowns.

  2. Nick Ray says:

    This Lars Gunblade guy sounds like a real asshole. I hope he doesn’t show up alive.

    • Buford Picklefeather says:

      Lars Gunblade has a way of showing up alive when you least expect it. I’ve seen it before.

  3. T-Bone says:

    Lars always keeps it real.

    • Enrico Dangolo says:

      I read the whole interview. What a yawn feast. It’s the same old thing, look at me… look at me. Lars is a moron. And I was a moron was actually reading it. And you’re a moron for reading my comment here.