Vulgar Smith, the ex-drummer for The No Talent Ass Clowns has been found dead in a Key West hotel room. The cause of death has not been disclosed.
Already fingers are beginning to point to The No Talent Ass Clowns’ singer, Lars Gunblade. “Vulgar had just written a blog that has a vicious review of Lars Gunblade’s new photo collection and now he’s dead. Kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t it?” said Key West Sheriff Mike Hunt.
Reached for a comment, Gunblade said, “Frankly, Vulgar is a d*ck. This ain’t exactly a loss to the planet Earth, know what I mean?” The two have been unfriendly since Vulgar Smith left the band under mysterious circumstances shortly before they signed a contact with No, Not There! Records to record their first album.
The violence of the murder appears gruesome with EMTs and police officers fleeing Smith’s room after entering it only seconds before. “The murder scene is makin’ my guys barf all over the place,” said Sheriff Hunt. “The victim’s rectum has been pried open with a…. I’m sorry, I think I’m gonna be sick,” exclaimed Hunt and rushed into the hallway where violent retching sounds could be heard.
In the meantime, a memorial service has been planned at Consumption Auditorium on Monday. “How are we gonna memorialize Vulgar?” asked Gunblade. “Maybe we’ll light a joint in his honor just before we go on stage the next time. Or maybe I’ll just light one of my farts in his honor instead.”